Lady Windermere's Fan Read Online Free PDF Page A

me only yesterday, in the Park, that Mr.
Graham talks almost as well as his aunt.
    LADY JEDBURGH.
(R.)
Most kind of you to say these charming things
to me!
(MRS. ERLYNNE smiles, and continues conversation.)
    DUMBY.
(To CECIL GRAHAM.)
Did you introduce Mrs. Erlynne to Lady
Jedburgh?
    CECIL GRAHAM. Had to, my dear fellow. Couldn't help it! That
woman can make one do anything she wants. How, I don't know.
    DUMBY. Hope to goodness she won't speak to me!
(Saunters towards
LADY PLYMDALE.)
    MRS. ERLYNNE.
(C. To LADY JEDBURGH.)
On Thursday? With great
pleasure.
(Rises, and speaks to LORD WINDERMERE, laughing.)
What
a bore it is to have to be civil to these old dowagers! But they
always insist on it!
    LADY PLYMDALE.
(To MR. DUMBY.)
Who is that well-dressed woman
talking to Windermere?
    DUMBY. Haven't got the slightest idea! Looks like an edition de
luxe of a wicked French novel, meant specially for the English
market.
    MRS. ERLYNNE. So that is poor Dumby with Lady Plymdale? I hear
she is frightfully jealous of him. He doesn't seem anxious to
speak to me to-night. I suppose he is afraid of her. Those straw-
coloured women have dreadful tempers. Do you know, I think I'll
dance with you first, Windermere.
(LORD WINDERMERE bits his lip
and frowns.)
It will make Lord Augustus so jealous! Lord
Augustus!
(LORD AUGUSTUS comes down.)
Lord Windermere insists on
my dancing with him first, and, as it's his own house, I can't well
refuse. You know I would much sooner dance with you.
    LORD AUGUSTUS.
(With a low bow.)
I wish I could think so, Mrs.
Erlynne.
    MRS ERLYNNE. You know it far too well. I can fancy a person
dancing through life with you and finding it charming.
    LORD AUGUSTUS.
(Placing his hand on his white waistcoat.)
Oh,
thank you, thank you. You are the most adorable of all ladies!
    MRS. ERLYNNE. What a nice speech! So simple and so sincere! Just
the sort of speech I like. Well, you shall hold my bouquet.
(Goes
towards ball-room on LORD WINDERMERE'S arm.)
Ah, Mr. Dumby, how
are you? I am so sorry I have been out the last three times you
have called. Come and lunch on Friday.
    DUMBY.
(With perfect nonchalance.)
Delighted!
    (LADY PLYMDALE glares with indignation at MR. DUMBY. LORD AUGUSTUS
follows MRS. ERLYNNE and LORD WINDERMERE into the ball-room holding
bouquet)
    LADY PLYMDALE.
(To MR. DUMBY.)
What an absolute brute you are! I
never can believe a word you say! Why did you tell me you didn't
know her? What do you mean by calling on her three times running?
You are not to go to lunch there; of course you understand that?
    DUMBY. My dear Laura, I wouldn't dream of going!
    LADY PLYMDALE. You haven't told me her name yet! Who is she?
    DUMBY.
(Coughs slightly and smooths his hair.)
She's a Mrs.
Erlynne.
    LADY PLYMDALE. That woman!
    DUMBY. Yes; that is what every one calls her.
    LADY PLYMDALE. How very interesting! How intensely interesting!
I really must have a good stare at her.
(Goes to door of ball-room
and looks in.)
I have heard the most shocking things about her.
They say she is ruining poor Windermere. And Lady Windermere, who
goes in for being so proper, invites her! How extremely amusing!
It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing.
You are to lunch there on Friday!
    DUMBY. Why?
    LADY PLYMDALE. Because I want you to take my husband with you. He
has been so attentive lately, that he has become a perfect
nuisance. Now, this woman is just the thing for him. He'll dance
attendance upon her as long as she lets him, and won't bother me.
I assure you, women of that kind are most useful. They form the
basis of other people's marriages.
    DUMBY. What a mystery you are!
    LADY PLYMDALE.
(Looking at him.)
I wish YOU were!
    DUMBY. I am—to myself. I am the only person in the world I
should like to know thoroughly; but I don't see any chance of it
just at present.
    (They pass into the ball-room, and LADY WINDERMERE and LORD
DARLINGTON enter from the terrace.)
    LADY WINDERMERE. Yes. Her coming here is monstrous, unbearable.
I