Knit One Pearl One Read Online Free PDF

dinner parties, but if I did I bet I’d end up sitting next to a banker boasting about his bonus. Despite taking us to the brink of financial meltdown, they all still seem to be awarding themselves massive bonuses. Bastards. But with the insurance money and a bit of help from Gran and Reg, and dipping into my rainy day money, I managed to buy the café without having to go the bank. Not that things aren’t a bit tight, and I still can’t work out how I managed to paint most of the upstairs while Pearl was newborn. I went into a sort of magnolia daze I was so tired. But things have always been tight financially, so I’m used to it. Nick and I never reached the bit where things got a little easier; he was gone long before that. Not that I realized it at the time. I thought he was just working, not off having an affair and taking out a bloody second mortgage behind my back. It’s almost embarrassing how stupid I was back then. Still, you live and learn, as Gran would say. Although in Nick’s case of course, not so much.
    Damn, that’s something else to add to my list. I need to call Elizabeth and arrange a time for us to visit the grave. Another opportunity for her to tell us all how marvelous her Nicholas was, and treat me like his driving his car into a tree was somehow my fault. It’s been three years next weekend, but it feels so much longer than that. We’ve come a long way since those early days, when the police came round and everything fell apart. If Ellen hadn’t been there for me I don’t know how I’d have managed. The shock, the grief, the anger, all of it. Now it all feels much more distant. Maybe I’ve done that thing all the books say you’re meant to do, and I’m into the acceptance phase. Maybe forgiveness is on the horizon, although on second thought, maybe not. I don’t think I’ll ever really forgive him. Not for crashing the car, he couldn’t help that; although if he’d ever listened to me when I told him not to drive like a total nutter, well, who knows. But for planning to leave the boys, who idolized him. It was all so predictable, and unfair, and cheap, and he’s already missed so much. And I can’t help wishing he’d met Pearl, although if he was still around I probably wouldn’t have had her. I would never have gone to Venice for that first Christmas after he died, when I couldn’t face our first family Christmas without Nick. I’d never have sat drinking whiskey with Daniel in his hotel room, talking about lost loves. Still, I wish Nick could have seen my gorgeous girl, I know he’d have got a kick out of seeing how like Jack she was when she was born. He’d have recognized her in a heartbeat. She’s much more like Archie now, in temper and steeliness, which is probably a good thing. I think girls need a bit of steel, just in case.
    Oh God, I’m feeling tearful now, and I really don’t have the time for this. Not now. I’ll check the order book, and if that doesn’t work I’ll do a mini–stock take. That always helps.
    “Hello, pet.”
    “Gran, I was just going to call you.”
    “Reg has just dropped me off, he’s on his way to the Bowls Club, there’s a row on about who put the scoreboard away last time; silly fuss about nothing if you ask me. Did you want me for anything special?”
    “No, just wanted to know if you’ve decided about your cruise.”
    “Not yet, pet, I like to take my time, and Reg is getting some new brochures. There’s a lovely one goes round the fjords, and Russia.”
    “Why would you go there when you could be in the Caribbean?”
    “I don’t like it too hot, you know that, pet.”
    “Well, that definitely won’t be a problem if you’re cruising round Siberia.”
    She smiles.
    “Gran, you’re not fooling me you know. Go on a proper cruise. We can manage for a few weeks. I really want you to have a proper break.”
    “I know, pet, but I’m not even sure I want to go gallivanting off, spending all that money. I get lots of breaks