Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned Read Online Free PDF

said Clyde. Then she took us both firmly by the arm, and this time, calmly and leisurely, we all walked back to Bennigan's.
    If anything, the sidewalks seemed to be even more crowded now, and when we approached the entrance to Bennigan's, I could see that it was fairly swarming with the clientele Fox liked to refer to as "the chain people." I wasn't sure if Fox included me in this unfortunate grouping or not. I like to think my spiritual stature grew in his eyes over the time we were together but I never really summoned the courage to ask him.
    "Ah, the teeming masses," said Fox, flicking his cigarette into the gutter, "yearning to breathe smoke free." Smoking was allowed at the bar and the little tables in the vicinity of the bar and this was the area in which we were told by Fox to reconnoiter. He made sure that we staggered our entrances with an almost military precision.
    Clyde went first, then me, then Fox, at intervals of several minutes. At last, we rejoined Clyde at a small high table without chairs near the bar surrounded by a sea of chain people.
    "Do we know each other?" I asked, only half facetiously.
    "The human soul is unknowable," said Fox. "You got a hundred-dollar bill?"
    "I'm not sure," I said. "Why?"
    "Give it to me," said Fox.
    I cast a quizzical eye at Clyde but she had on her world-class poker face. It told you nothing but made you want everything.
    "Do what the man says," she said.
    I took out my billfold, found a hundred-dollar bill, and handed it to Fox. It sounded like some kind of shakedown, I'll admit, but it felt all right because I trusted Clyde. Strange as it may seem, I trusted the woman who'd talked me into permitting her to put a dead fish in my safe-deposit box. Would I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death for this woman? I wondered. At that moment, it appeared to be an open question.
    I handed the hundred-dollar bill to Fox, who snapped it once between his finger and his thumb and then gave it to Clyde. Clyde took the bill and put it facedown on the table in front of her.
    "Got a pen, Sunshine?" she asked sweetly.
    "Of course he does," said Fox. "Every big best-selling novelist carries a pen. It's their weapon of choice."
    "Don't let Fox get under your skin," said Clyde. "He's just testing you."
    "He's doing a pretty good job," I said. I handed the pen to Clyde.
    "Go with the social security number," said Fox. "That always plays well."
    Clyde began marking her numbers down on the back of the bill. When she'd completed the little task, she gave the bill back to Fox. He gave it back to me.
    "Put it back in your wallet," he said.
    I put the bill in my wallet. "What happens now?" I asked.
    "Now it's your turn, Walter," said Fox.
    "Why me?" I asked, trying to mask an incipient state of mild nervousness. "Whatever it is we're doing, it looks like you both have done it before."
    "That's why it's your turn," said Fox.
    "And you're right, Walter," said Clyde seriously. "We have both done this before. We've done it countless times before. But each time we do it, it's an adventure all its own."
    "Anyway," said Fox, "you've got the easy part. All you have to do is go up to the bar, order us all a round of drinks, and pay the bartender with that marked C-note."
    "I think I can handle it," I said. "Is there a name for this particular exercise?"
    "Well, the cops call it something else," said Fox. "I like to call it the ol' switcheroo. It's just a little thing I learned when I lived with the Gypsies. It helps keep you on your toes. Lets you know you're alive. It also is not without some practical applications. You'll see. Now go order the drinks."
    They were both drinking scotch that night, so I decided to go along with them and keep us all on a Chivas Regal wavelength, realizing that it was to be my first Chivas in almost seven years. I ordered doubles from the bartender, figuring whatever we were about to do might go off a little more smoothly if we all had a little buzz going. When I got to