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it’s late,” said Mrs. Wheeler, and walked me to the door.
    ***
    I stepped outside with my ears full of voices whispering words – disheartening, exhilarating, soothing, promising words. An insane cocktail of all different kinds of words was running down my throat and I was unable to digest it.  I didn’t feel like going home yet, so I decided to sneak into my backyard and sit on a little sandalwood bench by the lilac tree. I felt the evening breeze caress my skin as I tried to understand how my life became so astonishingly filled with all these different emotions. Only a couple of weeks before it was a series of monotonous, achromatic days spiced with books and movies only. And now there was a real life tickling my soul with its fingers, inviting me to join the game. There was a real woman remorsing over giving her real baby away more than sixty years ago. I saw real sadness in her gray eyes. And somewhere out there, in this very same sleepy little town, there was a real boy whose name I didn’t know and to whom I felt close in a most unexpected and incomprehensible way.
    I forced myself to stand up from the bench and enter the house.
    “What’s that dress you’re wearing?” my mother said when I closed the door behind me.
    It wasn’t before that moment that I realized I had left all my clothes in Mrs. Wheeler’s house, and now I was standing in front of my mother in a satin dress and sneakers. I am an inexhaustible source of awkwardness.
    “It’s… a party dress,” I mumbled.
    Then I had to hear about the importance of eating regular meals, wearing layered clothing, and all that stuff. The tender affection that I felt for my mother while I was sitting there in Mrs. Wheeler’s house, looking at her silhouette behind the semitransparent floral curtains, dissolved completely. When I finally reached my room, I collapsed into bed, overpowered by the day behind me.

Chapter Four
    Thank God my mother had to go to work that Saturday! I could take a long shower, make myself a large cup of coffee, and try to think about the previous day in peace and quiet. To try – that was the only thing I managed to do. My effort was fruitless, brutally fruitless. My head was bursting with questions, and not even one tiny answer crawled out. I usually enjoy spending mornings inside, but that Saturday morning my brain was begging for some fresh air.
    As I was putting on my favorite pair of skinny jeans and a dotted Peter Pan collar blouse, the image of Tanya’s upcoming party growled at me. An evening among my old school friends was approaching rapidly. It’s not that my old friends are not dear to me, but our lives are incomparable on so many levels. We grew apart over the years. Those were the years that I spent in hospital waiting rooms, or in my little yellow house with my mother and James, or wandering around the pine forest, while they were busy doing homework and choosing cheerleaders.
    “It will be okay. I don’t have to stay till the end,” I whispered to myself as I locked the door.
    My town looks like a sleepy, little island in the morning. Everything moves so slowly. Even the birds fly slowly, in a silent and mesmerizing way. I let my feet take me wherever they wanted to. There’s no use in arguing with your feet when your mind is on fire.
    ***
    I was standing in front of the Green Ink bookstore, contemplating whether to go in and trying to conquer frantic, half-articulated thoughts, when the window glass reflected someone’s wide smile. My heart jumped and missed a beat. It was him! And when I say “him”, it’s quite clear who I mean; there was only one him who dwelt in my thoughts that morning. I turned around and smiled back. I saw his lips moving, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I frowned, looking at him expectantly. He gently pulled the headphones out of my ears. Stupid, Ruby, very stupid!
    “What are you listening to?” he said.
    His voice was crisp and affable.
    “Um… Lou Reed… his