Just Annoying! Read Online Free PDF

child. But this is just part of his evil magic. He is not a child. And he is definitely not innocent.
    I push him into the mulcher.
    He flies straight back out. The gnome is lying on the ground grinning at me. His two painted eyes are cold and black.
    There is no doubt. The gnome is a killer. It’s either him or me. I pick him up again.
    â€˜Say your prayers,’ I tell him.
    I drop him into the top and use a tree branch to force him into the blades.
    The blades whine. Or is that the gnome screaming?
    The mulcher coughs out an enormous wad of dust and propels coloured shrapnel into the air.
    I flick the switch off.
    All is silent.
    I lean on the mulcher. Panting. Waiting. Half expecting the gnome dust to reassemble itself and come at me.
    But nothing happens.

    I have saved the world from the evil gnome. Not that anybody will ever know. I hate that. You do this brave heroic thing and you can’t tell anybody because if you do they’ll think you’re crazy.
    I go back inside.
    Grandma and Grandpa are home.
    â€˜Are you feeling alright?’ says Granny. ‘You look a bit pale.’
    â€˜I’m okay,’ I say. ‘Just a bit tired—I’m going to lie down.’

    I push open the door of my bedroom.
    I scream.
    The gnome is lying on top of the bed. Staring straight at me. Grinning. He has reassembled himself. Payback time. The room starts spinning and I fall to the floor.

    Grandma and Grandpa rush in.
    â€˜Andy!’ says Granny. ‘What’s the matter?’
    I’m trying to tell them, but nothing is coming out. I just open and shut my mouth like a fish out of water. I point at the gnome. My hand is shaking.
    â€˜The gnome,’ I whisper. ‘The gnome . . .’
    â€˜Do you like it?’ says Grandpa, helping me up. ‘We found it at the market. It’s exactly the same as your other one—only without a broken neck. Thought it might cheer you up.’
    â€˜It’s not the same gnome?’
    â€˜No, of course not,’ says Granny. ‘But it’s almost identical. We thought you’d like it.’
    â€˜I do! I do!’ I say. ‘I love it!’
    I pick it up, cuddle it and give it a big kiss.
    Granny and Grandpa smile, pleased with their work. They leave.
    I place the gnome back on the bed. I’m not taking my eyes off him for a moment. But nothing happens.
    I kneel down and put my face close to his.
    â€˜Any funny stuff and it’s Grandpa’s mulcher . . . just like your friend. Got it?’
    The gnome just stares.

    And smiles.
    Well, it could be a smile. It could be a grimace. It’s hard to tell.

omorrow is our school sports carnival. I don’t want to go. Not because I’m not good at sport. I can run faster, jump higher and throw stuff further than anybody in the school, but I don’t like to do it. It would be boring with me just winning everything all day long. I like to give the other kids a chance. That’s just the sort of thoughtful person I am.

    But try telling that to my Mum. She has this crazy idea that I don’t like sport and that I try to get out of it whenever I can.
    That’s why I’ve brought Fred home. Fred’s my imaginary friend. I’m going to tell Mum he’s sick and that I have to stay home from school to look after him. It can’t fail. Either she’ll think that I’m going crazy and keep me home from school, or she’ll be sucked in and let me stay home to look after Fred. I can’t lose.
    I open the back door and drop my bag on the laundry floor.
    â€˜Mum?’ I call.
    I’m in here,’ she says.
    I find her in the kitchen. She’s chopping onions.
    â€˜Mum, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Fred.’
    â€˜But there’s nobody there,’ says Mum.
    â€˜Don’t be like that,’ I say. ‘You’ll hurt his feelings.’

    Mum frowns.
    â€˜Are you feeling