Just Add Water (1) Read Online Free PDF Page A

brother.”
    “His brother, Bob, the fashion plate? If he’s paying we’ll
be eating at Burger King. If the
ninety-nine cent Whopper deal is still on.”
    “I thought you kinda liked him. You did flirt, Hetta.”
    “And was soundly ignored. No loss, he isn’t my type.”
    “And that would be? Criminally insane? Internationally
sought after by major law enforcement agencies? Or maybe married?”
    I laughed. “You know me all too well, Tonto. But count me
out on the lunch.”
    “What can a little lunch with a couple of nice guys hurt?”
    “I have an appointment that day.”
    “You don’t even know what day. Suit yourself, Hetta, but
one of these days you need to do a little soul-searching, decide if you want to
end up a lonely little old lady with thirty cats.”
    “Cats! We hate cats,” I yelled, covering RJ’s ears.
“Besides, that Bob person completely ignored me. The girl he was with wasn’t a
day over twenty-five. And stunning. Why on earth would I think he’d be interested
in me? Now, let’s do cookies, then, like I said, I won’t even bitch if you call
BDR.”
    She didn’t.
    We finished off the wine, ate those cookies RJ didn’t get
to first, watched another movie, and went to bed early.
    RJ, ever on the alert for an opportunity to break my house
rules, slept in Jan’s room. During the night when I peeked in to check on them
he was under the covers, his head on her pillow. They looked so peaceful I only
whispered gruffly, “RJ, remind me to kick your doggie ass in the morning for
getting on the bed.”
    He feigned sleep, but I swear I saw
him smile.

4
     
      “Hand me the Phillips head, si’l
vous plait. ” I held out one hand while gripping a deadbolt lockset in place
with the other. The door was original to Jan’s 1910 building and had probably
been painted at least once a year without benefit of removing the old coats.
Lead poisoning came to mind as I wiped away dust and fitted up the lock.
    “Gee, this looks easy,” Jan said,
handing me the screwdriver.
    “Not rocket science. We could have
had it re-keyed, but getting a locksmith out in San Francisco on a Sunday would
cost a fortune. Especially here in the Marina District. Lucky for us I had this
extra deadbolt at home.”
    “How come you had an extra?”
    “Took it out of my front door last
year when I decided Wade wasn’t a keeper.” This was my way of saying I had
decided not to sleep with him.
    “Wait a minute, does this mean that
lunatic might still have a key? To my apartment?”
    “Not to worry, I’m sure they took
it from him. And he’s going to be away for at least five years. You never live
in the same place for five years. Besides, he’s found Jesus and wants to be my
friend.”
    “How do you know?”
    “He called last week.”
    “He gets to make calls?”
    “Evidently.”
    “Holy shit, what did you say to
him?”
    “I was very polite, then told him
the truth.”
    “That being?”
    “That I’m getting married and
moving to Mexico. I figure even with time off for good behavior I’ve got ample
time to find a husband and move,” I reasoned.
    “How do you figure that? You’ve had
many, many, many years to find
somebody.”
    “One more ‘many’ and I’ll brain you
with this screwdriver.”
    Jan grinned. “Okay, I take back a ‘many.’ Anyway,
do you think that was a good idea? I mean, the reason you told Wade you were
ending your whatever-you-called-it, was you had decided to remain celibate. Now
you tell him you’re getting married?”
    “Shoot, everyone knows marriage and
celibacy go hand in hand. I know this must be true, for all the married men who
hit on me tell me they don’t sleep with their wives.”
    We locked eyes and yelled in
unison, “And married men never lie!”
    After a high-five, I went back to
fiddling with the lock and Jan asked, “About Wade. I thought he was in for a
million years. Do the criminally insane really get time off for good behavior?”
    “Damned if I know.”
    I