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and I really like both of these projects, but I really wanted to be part of Ryan's 12th birthday party, which was a trip to the beach with some of his friends.
    I went over and over it and made the tough choice to take the auditions and see Ryan that evening.
    Well, on my way to the first audition, I got a call from my agent and she told me that the afternoon session was canceled! So I went from my first audition (where I kicked ass, thank you very much . . . I'm told that I'm "in the mix" which is Hollywood-speak for "we're considering you") to the beach. I must have been quite the vision in my jeans, Sketchers and black socks, walking down the sand.
    Long story short, it was awesome. We skim-boarded, played football and wiffleball and barbecued hot dogs in the parking lot, which was majorly against the beach parking lot rules (yes! breakin' the law! breakin' the law!).
    When we got back, I had e-mail waiting for me from my friend Roger Avary. Roger is one of the coolest people on earth and a fucking rad writer and director.
    Roger won an Academy Award for writing Pulp Fiction and is pretty much responsible for everything good that Tarantino has ever taken credit for. Roger also wrote and directed my absolute favorite movie that I've ever worked on, Mr. Stitch . To get back to my point: I e-mailed Roger, because he's doing a new movie and I asked him if I could be in it, because he is the most fun director EVER and always makes good movies. He e-mails me back and tells me, "of course," and sends me the script (which ^%$@*ing ROCKS, by the way) and we're hooking up this week.
    So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
    That's all for right now, kids. I'm going back to work on the new, improved, easy-to-remember website!
    How about some e-mail for your uncle willy?
    How about that pathetic plea for attention? Yeah, that's nice. Prove To Everyone said I was bored, which was partially true, but he stopped me before I could continue with, "I'm scared, and I'm horribly depressed. I am a husband and stepfather who can't provide for his family. I `used to be' an actor when I was a kid."
    The total absence of acting work was hard on my ego, but it was also a terrible financial strain on my family. My wife and I often borrowed money from my parents, and she was working over 40 hours a week just so we could have food on our table. I felt guilty that I didn't go with them to the beach for Ryan's birthday, and I told myself that if we hadn't been getting calls from bill collectors every day, I would have blown the auditions off to spend the entire day with him. But the insistent voice of the collectors was nothing compared to the Voice of Self Doubt and my good friend Prove To Everyone That Quitting Star Trek Wasn't A Mistake. They were the real reason I went on the auditions, which didn't result in any work, because the part I was "in the mix" for went to someone who was—wait for it— edgy , and the other was already cast when I got there.
    When I e-mailed Roger Avary and I told him that I wanted to work with him again, I meant it. Mr. Stitch was an amazing experience and Roger is a talented writer/director, as well as a great person to be around. However, Prove To Everyone knew that this movie, called The Rules of Attraction , would be noticed by Hollywood when it was released. If Roger gave me a part in his movie, I would silence Prove To Everyone, The Voice of Self Doubt, and the Voice of Bill Collectors.
    For the first time in years, I had some hope that my stalled acting career would begin to climb again. I relaxed a little bit, and when I wrote in my weblog, Prove To Everyone took a break, and I was able to talk some more about my stepkids.

14 AUGUST, 2001
    Kids Are Cool
    Tonight, while I was sitting here, cursing up a storm while I tried to get the new site closer to operation, my stepkids decided that they wanted to watch The Mummy on DVD.
    I told them that they could, but Ryan had to shower before he could start it and