Julia's Hope Read Online Free PDF Page A

slept, tossing and turning as was usual for him now. But staring up at the high ceiling in that quiet old house, I couldn’t even be tired.
    Before long, I was up and pacing around the room, praying for my family. “We need a home, Lord,” I said. “Please. Sometimes Sam scares me and sometimes he makes me mad. Like he’s at the end of his rope, and I can’t even help. I’ve been too angry to help him, and I just don’t think he trusts in anything anymore, hard as he tries.”
    I stopped in front of the fireplace. It still had ashes and bits of wood sprinkled across the grate. Once the fireplace must have given this room such a cozy glow. And the warmth! There was nothing better on a chilly evening than to snuggle in front of the fire with your children. And put a pan of popcorn over the coals.
    With a sigh, I relit the mantle candle and looked around again. It was dark, of course, but I could see that this had been a lovely place once, with the large bay windows on one side of the house and the striped wallpaper, just like pictures I’d seen in the Saturday Post. I picked up the candle and began to walk around.
    The staircase looked solid and beautiful, at least in the dim light. The pantry was empty except for an abundance of shelves and a few more empty jars. The bedroom contained a dresser and a big metal-frame bed. What might the upstairs be like?
    I stopped for a minute, well aware of how foolish I was being.
    “Oh, Jesus, look at me. I’m hungry for a home too. This is the first one I’ve come upon for awhile, and now I kind of like it. Forgive me.”
    I turned to go back to the blankets, but somehow I couldn’t. Nobody else was using the house. Maybe if we could find the owner . . .
    The thought almost swept me away with it. Such a dream. A farm home. Lord, forgive me. This place surely belongs to somebody, and I have no business having such thoughts about it.
    But I stood there for a moment and shook my head, unable to let the idea go. Maybe there was a chance. Someone around here would know who the owner was. And maybe the owner was a sympathetic soul who didn’t want to leave the place to the elements. I walked back to the entryway and sat on the lowest step. “Lord God,” I whispered, “only you could work out a thing like this.”
    In the morning I woke up humming, surprised by how good I felt. Sarah rolled over beside me and opened her eyes.
    “Love you,” I whispered in her ear, and she cuddled against my chest. The rain had stopped, and I could hear the birds singing. It was going to be a nice day, much to my disappointment. I couldn’t bear the thought of taking this child out on the road again to hitchhike. Or Robert either. There must be another way.
    We were quiet as mice getting up, and I helped Sarah put on her favorite pinafore and cotton stockings. She insisted on rolling the tops of the stockings down over her garters by herself, as usual, even though she never quite got the elastic straight. I had already pulled my hair back into a bun at the nape of my neck and was brushing Sarah’s hair and humming when Sam woke up.
    Just then, I noticed the returning pitter-patter of raindrops, and I couldn’t help but smile. Praise God! Sam wouldn’t rush his kids out in the rain. We could stay put a little while longer.
    “I’ll pull on my scarf and take a walk,” I told him, knowing he’d understand it was time I went looking for breakfast, rain or not.
    Robert rolled over and asked to go with me, but I didn’t want him fretting over our food. “It’s enough if one of us gets wet, honey,” I told him. “Stay in and read to your sister.”
    I finished the braid in Sarah’s hair and pulled the children’s books out of my bag for Robert. Sam didn’t say a word as I pulled on my scarf and boots and went outside.

FOUR
    Samuel
    I watched Julia for awhile through the window. Her blue skirt swished about in the breeze as she circled through the yard and knelt for a minute beside the