Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner Read Online Free PDF Page A

refrigerated air, the pyramids of glossy, precisely stacked fruits and vegetables, and aisle after aisle of neatly faced cans and boxes that deeply appeals to my inner need for order. [
Or my inner need to “control things” as per Fletch.
] My favorite time to shop is early afternoon, before the after-work rush, because that’s when everything is at its calmest and tidiest. (Before you ask,
of course
I’m the shopper who rearranges the jars of tomato sauce after I select one to keep the shelf pristine and symmetrical.)
    So if grocery shopping in an orderly, well-stocked store is good, then imagine doing so in the third-largest WFM in the world. Situated on the river, the Kingsbury store boasts an entire promenade where shoppers can stroll and dine and watch boats pass. In fact, the best view of the Chicago skyline can be seen from the top of the three-story parking garage. And that’s just the outside!
    The inside of the store is nothing short of monolithic. The fresh produce area alone is the size of a football field and it’s bordered by a coffee bar. The fact that they’re all about being “organic” and I can’t get a damn Splenda for my latte is an annoyingly first-world problem for sure, but that’s why I always carry extras in my purse. [
You never know when you’ll have to sweeten on the go.
]
    Did I mention the coffee bar serves beer and wine, too, and always has sports on the flat screen? For me, this isn’t as much of a selling point as you’d think because certain members of the WFMcustomer base are cluelessly aggravating enough without adding public intoxication to the mix. [
Although to the person who always parks his Range Rover in the ALTERNATIVE FUELS ONLY parking spot? I like your style.
]
    Beyond the produce section is the fresh seafood area where the mongers wear those big rubber boots-pants you see on the fish-tossers at Pike’s Market in Seattle. Even though I’m pretty sure the staff members just got off the El and not a Bering Sea crabbing vessel, I appreciate the nod to authenticity.
    There are places to sit and have a cocktail or meal throughout the store. Between the dairy and wine sections is a big wine-and-cheese bar, and past that you’ll find an upscale food court area, with everything from barbecue and hand-tossed woodfire pizza to fresh sushi.
    And the bars—don’t start me on the bars. There’s a make-your-own trail mix bar, a choose-your-own seafood bar, a decant-your-own honey bar, a mix-and-match cookie bar, and a hot food bar with enough variety to satisfy everyone from the most humorless vegan to the world’s biggest carnivore. [
Which is the Southern Elephant Seal. (I looked it up.)
] One day I stopped by early after a dentist appointment and I stumbled across the breakfast bar, complete with biscuits and gravy. So magnificent was the sight that I wept a little.
    When other grocery stores dream of an afterlife, this is what they picture, with twenty kinds of fresh gelato and sorbet made daily and cheese sellers who say, “Hmm, I haven’t tasted that particular
tomme de chèvre
, either—let’s open it up and sample it together!”
    Through the confluence of unbelievably fresh product, a littletraining, and finally owning some decent equipment, I’ve come to love cooking. Turns out I’m fearless in the kitchen and Fletch is constantly delighted by the dishes I make. Yeah, there’s an occasional misstep—candy apple pork chops, I’m looking at you—but I’ve found real Zen at the bottom of my enamel cast-iron pot.
    In fact, last year Fletch and I tackled our first fully blown, fancy-set-table, official Thanksgiving dinner as our attempt to create a new holiday tradition. In the past we’d gotten together with family, but as our relationship became increasingly strained, [
Read: certain members became bat-shittier.
] we thought we’d be a lot happier on our own and this was our first go of it.
    Our menu was outstanding and I’m not sure what the best part