Jane Goes Batty Read Online Free PDF Page A

who was trying to blackmail you.”
    Jane huffed. “Anyway, I didn’t push her into that fire. She
fell
. And she came back and tried to kill
us
, in case you’ve forgotten.” She paused, remembering Lucy’s earlier question. “Speaking of Our Gloomy Friend, I wonder where she is. Do you think she’ll try again? It’s been nine months.”
    “That’s barely a second in vampire time,” Byron answered. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was planning something. But that’s even more reason for you to perfect your vanishing. When you are faced with someone wishing to do you harm, the best course of action is to simply disappear.” He looked thoughtful. “Of course, you could always transform yourself into a bat, but—”
    “A bat?” Jane exclaimed. “I thought that was a myth.”
    Byron shook his head. “No, it’s quite true. But it’s a very advanced technique. You’re not nearly ready for it.”
    “What else can I turn into?” asked Jane.
    “That’s it,” said Byron. “Just a bat. And no, I don’t know why. That’s just how it is.”
    “But if one can turn into a bat, then doesn’t that suggest that the power of transformation might be more widely—”
    “A
bat
,” Byron repeated sternly. “Not a cat, not a wolf, not a giant sloth. A bat. And
you
can’t even do that. Not until you master disappearing.”
    “I wasn’t aware there was a larger goal,” said Jane. “PerhapsI just needed some incentive. I mean, a bat … well, that’s something.” A thought occurred to her. “What
kind
of bat?” she asked.
    Byron sighed. “I don’t know,” he said. “A vampire bat, I suppose.”
    “But there are lots of kinds of bats,” Jane countered. “Fruit bats. Spotted bats. Little brown bats. And of course the flying foxes, which aren’t foxes at all but—”
    “Tell you what,” Byron interrupted. “One night I’ll turn into a bat and you can look me up in a field guide.”
    “Don’t think I won’t,” said Jane. “Now let me try disappearing again.”
    “No,” Byron said. “I don’t want
trying;
I want
doing
. Go home and practice, and don’t call me until you’re absolutely sure you can vanish and stay vanished for at least five minutes.”
    “That could take centuries,” said Jane moodily.
    Byron smiled. “Then it’s a good thing we’re vampires.” He opened the door. “Now I’m going to see if Ned would like to get some lunch.”
    “Ted,” Jane said without thinking. “You mean Ted.”
    “Whichever,” said Byron. “They’re both delicious.”
    When Byron was gone Jane picked up
Judaism for Dummies
and opened it. She sighed.
I hope being Jewish is easier than being a vampire
, she thought.
There has to be something I’m good at
.

Ha, noch einen ganzen Tag,
Uberlang ist diese Zeit.
Zwei Opfer sind mit schon geweiht
Und das dritte ist leicht gefunden.
Ha, welche Lust aus schonen Augen
An bluhender Brust neues Leben In
wonnigem Beben
Mit einem Kusse in sich zu saugen
.
    “F LOWERING BOSOM, INDEED, ” J ANE SIGHED AS SHE TOOK A SIP OF wine from the glass next to her keyboard. The glass was almost empty.
Should I have some more?
she asked herself, knowing full well that she should not. She’d already refilled the glass twice. Although her altered constitution allowed her to tolerate more than a normal human body could, she was nonetheless feeling the effects of the merlot.
    “I believe I’m tipsy, Jasper,” she announced. The dog, splayed on the rug beside her chair, thumped his stub of a tail.
    “I must be if I thought listening to Marschner was a wise idea.” She picked up the CD case and looked at it. The cover depicted a naked woman seated on a bed, her back to the viewer. In front of her stood a dark-haired man wearing a tuxedo. Only ifone looked very closely would one see the drops of blood on the man’s shirt and the two tiny punctures on the woman’s neck. “
Der Vampyr,
” Jane said in a deep voice, then giggled.