Jake' Journal: The Riverdale Series Companion Read Online Free PDF Page B

websites I’ve been looking at, there are these testimonials from Cancer survivors, and their families. Most of the time, after you’ve received chemotherapy, your life goes back to the way it was before you were diagnosed. They say you feel like you are reclaiming your life, and that’s what I thought too. I wasn’t naïve to think I would be in remission when the PET scan results came back, but I did think that the chemo had worked a little bit. I know you were just as disappointed as I was when the doctor said it had done nothing but damage some of my organs.
    I know that no matter what, even if we had just remained friends, you still would be my side. God allowed me time with the girl of my dreams and even allowed me to call her my fiancé. How could I ever complain?
    I’m probably dying. I can say that on paper, not out loud. The doctors have already told me that they cannot continue treatment with chemo, my body isn’t reacting well. Instead of it killing the cancer the drugs are killing me. Next step is a bone marrow transplant and we’re on the hunt for the donor. Luke and Sam are probably taking bets on which one of them will be the perfect match. I just hope it works. The thought of dying isn’t as scary as the thought of never seeing you again. To never see my sweet Cara go through all the milestones of life that we have been talking about.
    It’s funny, the things that I told myself I had my whole life to do, the things I procrastinated doing, are the very things I wish I had done. I want you to know I never thought I’d get married to anyone other than you, even when we were just friends. You would tell me that you could picture your wedding but never the man you married. It was the opposite for me. I just pictured you. You’ve been asking me to marry you, not even caring what day of the week it is or if you even have your dress. You’re willing to give up the dreams you had for your wedding all because you’re so hell bent on marrying my crazy ass that you’ll marry me in a hospital room. I’m flattered baby. So, fucking flattered. But I’m a fucking coward, because I keep telling you I’m going to get better, that when the cancer is gone you’ll get your wedding.
    We’re not going to get married Cara. I want to explain why, so that when I die, you don’t hate me. I can’t leave this earth knowing that when I die, your future would die along with me. You’d be married to my spirit and to our past. You’d never look to fulfill your future. You wouldn’t remarry and have a family. You’d be alone clinging to the past. You’d sit by my head stone and talk to me as if I was standing in front of you. Time would stand still for you and before you knew it you’d be old and gray just waiting to be in the plot beside me. There would be no children and there would be no stories to tell your grandchildren. Don’t shake your head. I can picture you shaking your head, crying right now as you read this. Stop it. You know I’m right. I’m always right. Guess what I’m doing right now as I write this? I’m wiggling my eyebrows, because you know I’m right.
    Seriously, babe, I don’t want that for you. I want you to live your life. Go get married, have some kids, name one of them Jake. I’ll watch over them just like I’ll always watch over you. When your husband accidentally electrocutes himself hanging Christmas lights, know I’m even looking out for that son of a bitch too. Know that I’m happy that he’s giving my girl a chance at a good life. You’ll always be my girl, lucky for him; my mom taught me how to share.
    Maybe you’ll never read these letters but I have to write them anyway. I want to be there for you when I know you’ll need me the most. Just always, know I love you.
     
    Love Always & Forever Yours,
    Jake
     
     
     

Dear Sam and Luke,
     
     
    I’m the luckiest guy around. I mean aside from the two of you, because getting to call me your brother is a pretty big deal