Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill Read Online Free PDF

NOTES
MOTHER GOOSE WAS REALLY
A ZOMBIE.
I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING.
    Throughout human history, the Zombie has held a prominent place in our literature. And the undead’s contributions to our stories are perhaps no more prevalent than in the development of the nursery rhyme. Like the oldest tales, first spun by ancient storytellers around the campfire in the cave, our nursery rhymes were, at first, simple parables. Short lessons in morality, which furthered our evolution as a species.
    And in many cases the nursery rhyme was a veritable instructional mantra on ridding our homes and neighborhoods of the dead come back to life. Scholars have clearly shown that nursery rhymes have been full of Zombie references for centuries. One only needs to think of monkeys and weasels getting their heads bashed in and the terrifying screams of Humpty Dumpty as he loses his broken head to a brain-eating troop of the king’s men to understand that our ancestors were plagued by the Zombie menace for eons.
    Obviously, as the years have passed and the Zombie menace has waxed and waned, these nursery rhymes were toned down so as to be palatable for children to hear, often before they drifted off in blissful slumber. But one need not dig very far to find the truth. These rhymes tell tales of horror and Zombie insurrection so terrifying they frighten even the most stalwart among us.
    â€œSimple Simon?” Please. We know why Simon is simple. He’s lost his humanity and turned into a flesh-eating, brain-consuming ghoul.
    Did you ever wonder why Little Bo Peep was never without her shepherd’s crook? Without a doubt it was developed in the Middle Ages as a defensive weapon against a Zombie invasion. A properly wielded crook can dispatch both the human and animal undead. And there is perhaps no more vicious creature than a Zombie sheep.
    Jack Sprat? Zombie.
    The Queen of Hearts? Hello? She cut out hearts of knaves. Definitely zombie.
    The aforementioned Humpty Dumpty? The word is he tasted like chicken.
    While it would be easy for you, dear reader, to cast this book aside as another parody or attempt to gain a few cheap laughs. I beg you, do not fall into this trap. Dig deeper and accept this tome for the serious piece of Zombie scholarship it is. For in learning how our ancestors confronted and conquered their own Zombie apocalypses we modern humans may find the strength and methods to do the same.
    Read on and learn. And in the meantime keep a sharp eye and an even sharper machete ready to confront the coming Zombie menace.
    And if you see a feverish owl or pussycat coming your way or worst of all, a Zombie sheep?
    Run!

OTHER WORKS
    Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!
    S PY G ODDESS N OVELS
Live and Let Shop
To Hawaii, with Love
    S PY G ODDESS M ANGA
The Chase for the Chalice
The Quest for the Lance
    T HE Y OUNGEST T EMPLAR N OVELS
Keeper of the Grail
Trail of Fate
Orphan of Destiny
    P ICTURE B OOKS
The Legend of Blue Jacket
Texas Rangers: Legendary Lawmen
Daniel Boone’s Great Escape
Off Like the Wind!: The First Ride of the Pony Express
Baseball from A to Z

BACK AD
    BOOKS BY MICHAEL P. SPRADLIN & ILLUSTRATED BY JEFF WEIGEL

    JACK AND JILL WENT UP TO KILL
    A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes
    ISBN 978-0-06-208359-3 (paperback)
    Spradlin and Weigel are back with more than 20 zombie-infused nursery rhymes like “Little Miss Muffet Turned on a Tuffet,” “Three Undead Mice,” “The Old Zombie Woman Who Lived in a Shoe,” and “Jack Sprat was a Revenant.”

    IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE ZOMBIES!
    A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols
    ISBN 978-0-06-195643-0 (paperback)
    Spradlin and Weigel take over two dozen of our most beloved Christmas carols and shred them limb from limb, rewriting them from a zombie’s point-of-view!

    EVERY ZOMBIE EATS SOMEBODY SOMETIME
    A Book of Zombie Love Songs
    ISBN 978-0-06-201182-4 (paperback)
    A collection of