It's Nobody's Fault Read Online Free PDF

than one. They
are
excited, consumed with hopes and fantasies about what the child will look like and how he will be. Parents want their children to surpass them, to live better, more fulfilling lives than their own. They want them to be accomplished, beautiful, and happy. When parents are busy picking outlayettes and narrowing down the list of possible baby names, they aren’t anticipating illness. Brain disorders—even no-fault brain disorders—are
not
what they have in mind.
    Accepting the fact that a child has a brain disorder is never easy for parents, even those who do finally realize that they’re not at fault. It’s even harder to cope with the realization that a child’s problem is in his brain. After all, parents think optimistically, if the behavioral problem is caused by something environmental, perhaps the child will outgrow it. I’ve met some parents who are a little downhearted that it’s
not
their fault. “I was hoping that it was our divorce that was making our daughter so crazy,” another blunt parent said to me. “At least that way she would get over it in time.” After all, if bad parenting is what is causing a child’s disease, it stands to reason that good parenting can make it better.
    Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Parents don’t cause the disorders, and they can’t cure them either. However, mothers and fathers can and should take responsibility for seeing that their children get professional help, and the sooner the better. The sooner a child’s brain disorder is diagnosed and treated, the sooner he can get on with living a full, happy, satisfying life. And that, in the end, is what every loving parent wants.

CHAPTER 2

Brain Disorders and Personality
    S everal years ago I was part of a group of psychiatrists and other clinicians who studied the effects of the psychostimulant Ritalin on preschoolers with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. One part of the study involved observing the children and their mothers at play before and after the child was given medication. A mother and child were left alone in a playroom full of toys and games for 25 minutes, and their activities were monitored—one of the walls was a two-way mirror—and videotaped.
    The time allotted to mother and child was divided into three segments: 10 minutes of free play, 5 minutes of cleanup, and 10 minutes of structured tasks. During free play a youngster was allowed to play with whichever toy he chose, with no limit as to the number of toys or the kind of play. The mother was encouraged to play with him. The cleanup was to be done by the child, with the mother supervising the process if necessary. During the 10 minutes of structured tasks the child would sit at a table with his mother, and she would ask him to complete 40 tasks, or as many as the child could manage in the time allowed. The simple tasks—picking out circles, identifying the red triangles, pointing out everything that’s blue, and so forth—tested the child’s ability to distinguish colors and shapes. What we were really taking note of, however, was the child’s ability to focus, pay attention, and follow instructions. We were also interested in the interaction between mother and child.
    I’ll never forget the day that Christopher, three years old, came in with his mother to be tested. Little Christopher had one of the most severe cases of ADHD most of us had ever encountered. He nearly tore up my office the first day I met him, climbing on the furniture, scribblingon the tables, and tossing books and papers around the room. I ended up having to hold him in my lap (quite firmly, I might add) in order to interview him, and even then our talk lasted only a few minutes. Not surprisingly, Christopher had long since been blacklisted by every babysitter in his neighborhood. My diagnosis was ADHD. Christopher’s parents agreed to let him take part in our study, and his mother brought him to the playroom a couple of days after our