It's Always Darkest Before the Fridge Door Opens: Enjoying the Fruits of Middle Age Read Online Free PDF Page A

called. I have no one else to talk to about it . . .’’
    3. ‘‘Magazine subscriptions? I’ll take them all! But first, I have something I want to sell you, too! Have you heard of Amway?’’
    4. ‘‘Harry! Is that you? I can’t believe it! Marge, come in here quick, it’s Harry! See, I told you he was alive!’’
    5. ‘‘Are you from the dating service? Me and my four kids are free Saturday and we’d love to go to Disneyland!’’
    6. ‘‘Is this about the money you owe me?’’
    7. ‘‘Grandma! It’s for you, and don’t talk for two hours like you did last time.’’
    8. ‘‘Telephone solicitors’ fraud department. Can I help you?’’
    9. ‘‘Kids! Daddy’s back! Come say hi!’’
    10. ‘‘I’m going to have to put you on hold . . .’’ (Then go on vacation.)
    Never explain—your friends do not need it
and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard

The Trouble With Pharisees
    I wanted to do something nice, so I bought
my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won’t let me plug it in.
Henny Youngman
    If you’ve ever stepped foot inside a church, 1 (and we hope you have), you’ve no doubt heard the song ‘‘Amazing Grace.’’ Written around 1772, it is very likely the world’s most beloved hymn. I (Phil) heard the Eagles play an instrumental version of it once before seventeen thousand people, and most of the seventeen thousand were singing along. 2 Sometimes you run into people, however, who want to give the song a rewrite. They want to sing, ‘‘Selective Grace how sweet the sound that won’t save a wretch like that guy.’’ Jesus ran into them, too. They were called Pharisees.
    Pharisees point to the wrong. Jesus points to the redemption. Pharisees remind others of their sins while overlooking their own. Jesus forgives and erases all sins that are repented of, then remembers them no more. It’s not divine amnesia; it’s his choice. He loves us so much that he doesn’t even know what we’re talking about if we bring those sins up again. As Corrie ten Boom said, ‘‘God throws our sins into the deepest sea and puts up a sign: ‘No Fishing!’’’
    Sadly, Pharisees are those who go fishing for other people’s sins while playing catch-and-release with their own. When an angry mob was about to stone an adulteress who was caught in the very act, what did Jesus do? Condemn her? No. He bent down and began writing words in the sand, words that convicted the hearts of those holding the stones. Perhaps the words were pride, greed, lying, bearing false witness, coveting, taking the Lord’s name in vain, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, fornication, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, self-centeredness, or any number of other sins. There might have even been a few other adulterers there in the crowd, rock in hand, ready to pitch it at the accused. We’re not sure what the exact words were that Jesus wrote, but those words certainly brought conviction to their hearts. Maybe he was more specific. Maybe he started writing their names and then listed their failures. If he got that specific, it wouldn’t have taken long for the rest of the crowd to start dropping their stones and leaving the scene before he got to them.
    Then Jesus said, ‘‘He that is without sin cast the first stone.’’ Wouldn’t you like to have been in the crowd, watching their faces? Jesus’ words, both the spoken ones and the ones written in sand, must have pricked some pretty self-righteous consciences, because soon the woman was standing all alone. We would have walked away, too, because his mercy holds a mirror to our lives. In this mirror we see our own selfishness. His grace forces us to see our own need for grace. And it’s not always a pretty picture.
    Aren’t you glad that the gospel isn’t about selective grace? It’s about amazing grace. And that grace is available to each one of us, not just those pointing their fingers at others. Whether the rock throwers want to hear it or