Is This Tomorrow: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page A

together.” And then he said, “I’ll see you, kiddo.”
    The very next afternoon, Jake had called and suddenly they were seeing each other as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He understood why she didn’t want him meeting Lewis just yet, how you’d need to prepare a kid for something like that, and he was fine about her keeping things quiet. He appreciated, too, that she cared about how the neighbors saw her, and he was careful to arrive late at night when everyone was asleep, and only on nights when Lewis was at Jimmy’s. “We’ll improvise,” he laughed. It was always an odd hour when she saw him. Friday after midnight. Wednesday morning after Lewis went to school. He called her blue note, bebop, but never honey, and every time he left, after she heard his motorcycle rumbling away into the distance, she had to stop herself from running after him.
    At night, by herself, she sometimes worried. Jake didn’t have the things she had told herself she wanted. He did have a mortgage, but it was in Cambridgeport, which was sort of a hardscrabble part of the city, looping around the river, an area where everything was dirt cheap. He didn’t have a full-time job or a lot of money. It made her scared. One night, she told herself this was too crazy, too difficult, that it didn’t have a future. She’d have to break it off. Then he came over at two in the morning with his sax. He was keyed up after his set, and before she could open her mouth, he said, “Listen to this.” He took his sax and began playing something for her, a melody so haunting and moody, she was hypnotized. She couldn’t help it. She walked over to him, rested her head along his back, and she swore she could feel the music coming through her, like a vibration, almost as if she were a part of the melody. She shivered and shut her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she told him.
    She knew what a big a step it was, Jake meeting Lewis, how it turned their relationship into something new. He had been the one who had suggested it, which seemed an even bigger deal to her. They were in bed when he had asked, the fan on them, filmed in sweat. “Wait,” Jake said, and then he vanished. She thought he was just going to get a drink or to the bathroom, but he came back with a glass of water. Laughing, he sprinkled it over her curves until she couldn’t help herself. She shut her eyes. She felt him leaning over her. “Ava,” he said. “You should let me meet your son now.”
    She liked the way he put it, like she was in control, like it was up to her. You should let me. She threaded her fingers at the back of his head, pulling him closer so she could kiss his mouth.
    Now, she glanced at the clock. Five more minutes and she could go home and get ready.
    I N PREPARATION FOR her date, she showered in lilac soap. She stood in a cloud of Tabu perfume, a sample they had handed out at Grover Cronin’s, and pulled on a new dress, red, with a low neckline. This was the start of a whole new phase of their relationship. She knew it. As soon as you got your child involved, you couldn’t be casual. And he had suggested it, not her, and maybe that was why her heart was hurtling. She kept going over and over in her mind how the evening might go. She didn’t do more than sip wine, but Jake liked a glass, and she had bought a bottle of red that the man in the wine store assured her was delicious, even at such a low price. She picked daisies and put them in a vase on the table, and even set out some Charlie Parker records.
    Ava paced the house, waiting for Lewis. She wasn’t sure how he’d act tonight, if he’d be nice and give this guy a chance. When Lewis wasn’t home yet and it was seven, she began to get annoyed. She wanted him to put on good pants and a nice shirt, to wet a comb and rake it through his hair, straighten up his room.
    She walked from room to room, obsessing, trying to see if her house looked presentable. Her mind churned. She moved