Innocent Soldier (9780545355698) Read Online Free PDF Page A

army. Except for me. But that’s a different story. In my case, it’s a mistake. With a lieutenant, it can be quite a normal state of affairs. There are apparently quite a lot of lieutenants who are seventeen. An aristocrat who goes to cadet school at the age of ten can well be a lieutenant by the time he’s seventeen.
    Not long ago, a sergeant was telling us how he knew a nobleman who had family all over the world. All his male relatives were with the army. He had an uncle who was a colonel with the Prussians, a brother who was a captain of horse with the Austrians, a cousin with the English redcoats, one who was a general for the czar, and one with the Turkish sultan. The whole clan knew and supported one another. That’s why even the dimmest nobles get somewhere. At least in the army.
    The lieutenant takes a long and thorough look at me.
    “Well, now! What’s your real name? Are you Adam Feu or Georg Bayh?” he suddenly asks.
    The sergeant thrusts himself forward.
    “Your Grace can see for himself. The boy is so stupid he doesn’t even know his name. He’s a real idiot, I say.”
    “Will you keep your opinions to yourself unless I happen to ask you for them!” the officer snarls at him. Next he orders me to get myself cleaned up, and then go and report to him, Lieutenant Count Lammersdorf in the officers’ building. There, I’m going to have to get to work on his pants.
    The lieutenant turns to the sergeant, who’s standing there, frozen like a statue. “So you reckon transport soldier Bayh or Feu or whatever his name is, is really stupid?”
    “Absolutely, sir,” barks back the sergeant dutifully.
    Another lieutenant comes by, stops, and looks at me, the filthy transport soldier. The two officers seem to be acquainted. “Here’s a possibility,” says the first lieutenant to the second, reflectively, without looking at me or the sergeant. “I need a replacement for my servant. He’s such an incorrigible gossip. Where does that get us, if an officer’s servant passes on everything he sees and hears in the mess? An officer’s servant has to keep his lip buttoned.”
    “Well?” asks the second lieutenant. “And what’s that got to do with this dirty specimen here?”
    “This young fellow has certain advantages,” says the first lieutenant. “It seems he’s so thick he doesn’t even know his own name. And there’s no better servant for an officer than a fool. Plus I have a feeling that once he’sbeen properly cleaned up and dressed, he’ll actually look quite presentable.” The two lieutenants smile to themselves at the same time.
    “What do you think?” he asks.
    “Cat’s mess and trouser dung,” says the other. “If he’s as stupid as that, he won’t even understand what we are talking about. And if he does understand anything, he won’t understand it properly. He doesn’t need to be clever to be able to brush and polish. You can do that with a small brain. And if there’s something he doesn’t know how to do, he’ll probably be able to pick it up eventually.”
    “Exactly!” crows the first lieutenant, and then he hisses in the sergeant’s face: “And this has nothing to do with you, by the way.”
    “No, sir! Nothing to do with me,” affirms the sergeant.
    Neither the one nor the other nor the third of them says a word to me, and of course none of them asks me what I think. I really didn’t know how stupid I was. But in the army, all things are possible. You can’t be surprised by anything.
    And so it comes that I have to leave my lodgings with the horses and move into a little room in the officers’ quarters. I can’t say I’m overjoyed. I’d much rather be with horses than some wellborn officer. I know I can get on with horses, but a titled officer is another matter. But maybe I’ll learn. The way I once learned with horses.

7
    I’m living with the lieutenant now. After a couple of days, it dawns on me that an officer is only human as well. Sometimes my