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together, walking arm and arm down a street, maybe it was in Hawaii.
    One of the ladies walked with the help of a cane, and the other one was very rounded forward at the shoulders, so it wasn’t exactly clear which of the two was holding the other up, and Bertie had elbowed Cee Cee, making her stop and look at the ladies, and whispered, “That’s us in fifty years.” Now there wouldn’t be any Bertie in fifty years to hold her up and walk slowly with her when nobody else wanted to. No Bertie who would remind her to suck in her stomach
     
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    when she forgot, or to tell her when she had lipstick on her teeth, or food on her chin, or to point out that one of her shoulder pads had slipped back so far she looked like Quasimodo, or that she was acting too desperate with some man, or spending too much money on dumb things. No Bertie who believed in her, and always had from the day they met. She used to sign her letters YOUR FAN CLUB, B.W.B. And it wasn’t just because she believed in Cee Cee’s future as a star the way Leona did. Bertie believed in Cee Cee as a person. Bertie had pressured her to stop snorting cocaine. Shrieked at her in an unBertie-like way to stop destroying herself because she had too much to offer the world, and Cee Cee had stopped.
    Well, maybe she’d slid back to it after that once or twice, but it was always Bertie’s letters to her begging PLEASE, CEE, YOUR TALENT IS SO BIG, DON’T DO SOMETHING THAT WILL EAT AWAY AT IT! that had helped her to feel strong, knowing in order to accomplish what she wanted to do, she had to force herself to be more disciplined. It had changed her life having Bertie out there to remind her, pound into her head the reasons she needed to stay away from cocaine, avoid pig-outs on food, and be sure to keep the list of passionate strangers short, though that one was the easiest to control, since the number of volunteers was so small.
    “Do what I do,” Bertie said, advising her about men.
    “I do do what you do, honey, and it’s lonelier than hell.”
    “Find other outlets. For example two nights a week, I’m taking a course on how to repair my car.”
    “The only way they’ll get me under a car is with the mechanic,”
    Cee Cee said. “Look for our feet locked together in love.”
    Bertie laughed. “You are such a slut.”
    “Talk is cheap,” Cee Cee said, “and so, dear girl, am I.” But teasing aside, finally Bertie had proven without a doubt how much she believed in Cee Cee by changing her will and declaring Cee Cee Nina’s guardian, instead of the aunt and uncle in Miami Beach. So what if, in a way, Cee Cee had pushed her into making that decision? There was no doubt in the world it was the right one for the kid, and Cee Cee would prove it to anyone who didn’t think so.
    “Bert,” she said to the box of ashes, “I swear you did the right thing by giving me Nina. I promise I won’t smother her the way Leona did me. I’ll be understanding, but I won’t spoil her, I’ll be tough, but I
     
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    won’t lean on her too much. In fact I’ve been reading a lot about wha to do with kids because I know somewhere up there you’re worriec that I won’t be able to pull this off. But you’re wrong, Bert, becaus I’m here to tell you that I’ll be such a good influence you’ll think I’r Mary Fucking Popp,‘ns. Hah!” That made her laugh. That and th fact that she was talking animatedly to a box. Dear God, this wa., bizarre. Now she patted the box warmly.
    “Ahh, Bert, if this wasn’t so sad it would be truly hilarious. If you were here with me, I mean really here, we’d be killing ourselve., laughing the way we always did about this kind of stuff. You alway., loved those sick jokes I made when you were on the way out of thi., life, like when I said we should date two ambulance drivers just i case, or that maybe I should do it with a mortician so we could get a discount.” That brought a laugh which caught