If I Should Die Before I Wake Read Online Free PDF Page A

served after the funeral, Jakub, already late, rushed in with panic in his eyes and voice. He told us that we all must pack our things and run.
    "If we do not leave now, right away, those Nazis will send us to the German work camps. They'll make us dig more of their infernal ditches and build roads that will help them win their war, beating us all the while, I am sure. If we go to the Russian zone we will be safe," he said, still panting with panic.
    I could see the fury in Mama's eyes. In front of all her closest friends, her oldest child had refused to go to his own father's funeral. Instead he was scurrying from house to house, collecting news, adding to the hysteria that was spreading through every street and alley.
    It was Zayde who spoke to him, on that first day of
shiva,
trying to steady his voice. "Now, you will listen to me. We will not have such craziness brought into this house. Respect this day of mourning, Jakub, and understand that we are going to continue with our lives in spite of the war, and the Nazis. And right now that means sitting shiva and honoring and mourning the man who gave you this life you are struggling so hard to protect."
    "But, Zayde, I am honoring Tata by asking you all to do what he would have wanted. He would not stay where they do not allow him to have a business or even to walk down the street without fearing for his life. Every day people are disappearing. They are dragged off the streets to do some menial task and then they are beaten or—or killed. He would not stay where there is so little food, where there is no chance for dignity."
    "And across the River Bug, where Russia occupies Poland, if we ever made it there without them shooting us first, you think life would be better? It is wartime, son. Food will be scarce everywhere, and who will give us jobs? The jobs, they will go to the Russians. We have no place to go, and no money to get us there. We have no choice, we must stay here and wait." Zayde stepped closer to Jakub. "It's not safe for us anywhere, but we must not fear, such insanity cannot last. You will see, evil always destroys itself. We will pray, Jakub, and have faith in God, in our deliverance. All the hysteria will soon die down,
it has to." Zayde put his arm around Jakub's shoulder and guided him toward the table.
    Mr. Hurwitz, who was standing beside Mama, smiled and held his hand out to Jakub. "It is all difficult and frightening, but we are all together and—"
    "No!" Jakub shouted and broke away from Zayde. "I cannot afford to be a
luftmensh,
walking around with my head in the clouds. None of us can. Look around you. Do you not see what is happening out there? They killed Tata, remember? He was shot for no reason by those—those—Nazis. And the
shut,
our beautiful synagogue, they set it on fire. It is just ashes now. And neighbors"—Jakub sobbed in hurt and frustration—"neighbors who were once our friends are suddenly spitting on us and laughing at us. They kick us and beat us and—and I will not stay here and
wait!
I will not wait to be murdered. I am leaving. I shall join up with the partisans in the forest and fight the Nazis." He ran toward his room and then turned back to face Mr. Hurwitz. "And Mosze is coming with me; he is next door packing right now."
    During the next two days the air was thick with panic, the guillotine hovering ever closer. Closed off as we were from all the news except what Jakub and our friends could bring inside,
we were unable to sift out the truth from the rumor. Sadly, Tata was all but forgotten. Good friends rushed in uttering the short prayer, "May the Almighty comfort you among the mourners for Zion and Jerusalem," and then Tata and his memory were abruptly dismissed. It was on to the latest news, the latest information on the laws set down by the Nazis to make life for Jews more impossible. Even Zayde could no longer demand that Jakub remain with us. No one could say which was the safer path. Was