If I Grow Up Read Online Free PDF Page A

then took off the glasses and pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes. “It’s hard to see through these things. My head hurts.”
    â€œWhere’d you get those glasses?” I asked.
    â€œFound ’em.”
    â€œYou can’t just wear any old glasses,” I said. “You have to go to a doctor and get them made special.”
    â€œFor real?” Lightbulb said. He may have been a genius in school, but in some ways he really was the dumbest kid we knew.
    â€œHey, DeShawn.” Terrell nudged me with his elbow. “Someone’s checking you out.”
    A group of giggling girls sat in a circle across the way. One was taller than the others, with long brown hair and sparkling eyes. We’d been exchanging looks for a few weeks.
    â€œShe’s pretty,” said Lightbulb.
    Terrell nudged me again. “Go talk to her.”
    â€œBack off.”
    â€œYou scared?”
    The truth was, I did want to go. I felt drawn to that tall pretty girl the way Lightbulb was drawn to candy.
    â€œHe’s going,” Lightbulb cheered when I started across the gym.
    â€œGo, DeShawn. Go!” Terrell chanted.
    The girls around the tall one grew jumpy withexcitement and began whispering in her ear. Her eyes widened, and then a faint scowl appeared on her face and she turned and shook her head sharply. Suddenly it seemed as if she was annoyed with their chatter, because she got up and came toward me. We met in the middle of the crowded gym.
    â€œGo on, get closer,” one of her friends called, and the others cackled.
    The tall girl turned to them. “Shush! Shut your mouths.” She spoke with authority, and the other girls got quiet. I liked that.
    â€œI’m DeShawn,” I said.
    â€œI know,” she said, tilting her head toward the other girls. “They told me. I’m Tanisha.”
    â€œNew here?”
    She nodded. Her eyes were glowing.
    â€œWhere’re you from?” I asked. My heart was fluttering in my chest, but I knew I had to play it cool.
    â€œOver on the east side of town. We moved over the summer.”
    â€œHow come?” I asked.
    She lowered her head and stared at the floor. The reasons for moving to the projects were never good.
    â€œSorry,” I said. “It’s none of my business.”
    She raised her head. “How long’ve you been around here?”
    â€œAll my life. My gramma moved here about thirty years ago.”
    â€œYour momma go to this school?”
    â€œYeah.”
    â€œBet she had Ms. Rodriguez,” Tanisha said. “She’s so old, everybody must’ve had her.”
    I laughed. Ms. Rodriguez had been a teacher before she became assistant principal. Tanisha was funny. I liked that, too. “Where do you live now?”
    â€œGentry,” she said.
    And just like that we went from hot to cold. From hope to no hope. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t a Disciple. I was from Frederick Douglass, and if I was seen by Gentry Gangstas on their turf, they would automatically consider me a spy and up to no good. They might not kill me for that, but I was sure to catch a beating.
    Sensing that something was wrong, Tanisha frowned.
    â€œWell, nice to meet you,” I said, and turned away.
    BULLETS
    On Christmas morning, Gramma gave me a tight-fitting, fuzzy blue sweater I knew I’d never wear. I gave her and Nia little bottles of perfume that a man on the street had sold me. Nia gave me a DVD of the Transformers movie. We ate a Christmas lunch. In the afternoon, I went out and found Lightbulb.
    â€œWhere’re we going?” he asked as we climbed the piss-smelly stairwell.
    â€œUpstairs,” I said.
    He stopped. “You crazy? No one but Disciples are allowed up there.”
    â€œShh…. Quiet. I need a lookout.”
    â€œWho’s gonna look out for me?” Lightbulb asked.
    â€œI got a Snickers bar.”
    The top two floors were Disciples