I Still Love You Read Online Free PDF

weight of my meds dragging me down and holding me back.
    His hands slid to my thighs beneath the dress. They were warm, even though it was cold out here. His fingers slid up to the hem of my panties, and then he just gripped my thighs as he kept kissing me, but now his hips were moving a little against me, to the beat of the music that seeped through the glass of the living room window.
    I let my high heel shoes slip off my feet and fall onto the deck and then I slid a little closer to him, my toes tucking in behind his knees as he had his legs spread, spreading my legs too. He was still rocking up against me, and he was making the little knot ravel up a bit bigger and tighter.
    I broke the kiss, looking down at him, breathing hard. “Jason… ” What was he trying to do?
    “Go and get me another beer.”
    I climbed off him, but didn’t put my shoes back on and held my dress up away from my feet. My feet were cold on the deck as I tiptoed across it in my thin white stockings.
    “You look amazing,” Jason said behind me. “Seriously your legs look awesome like that!”
    He was getting drunk; he was so bad at handling his drink, but we were at a party, and we were young, he was here to get drunk, that was why he’d wanted to sleep over.
    I ran into the kitchen, the music had been turned up, and I could hear them in the living room all shouting out the words and whooping as they did their thing. It wasn’t our thing.
    I knocked the top off another bottle of beer for Jason, but then I picked up a second bottle and did the same, and I took two outside. Holding them both in one hand by the necks of the bottles, I offered him one by pointing the base at him. He carefully slipped it out of my grasp. “Are you drinking? You shouldn’t—”
    “I’m just going to have a couple of sips, then you can have the rest.”
    “Okay. ” He reared his palms up. “I’m just your husband who cares about you, not the drinking police.”
    I laughed at him and smacked his shoulder, then I lifted my dress and straddled his thighs again.
    “It’s just, don’t drink too much; you know if you do it’ll make you sick.”
    “I know.” I sighed. “I hate the effects of this medicine.”
    He looked into my eyes and didn’t say anything.
    Then he sighed. “I do too. I hate that you aren’t able to be you. I want you back.”
    Ah. A tear escaped my eye. “I am me… Maybe this is me… The person who isn’t sick.”
    “I didn’t mean it like that, Rach.” He wrapped his arm around me as my forehead fell onto his shoulder.
    “I feel like you’re falling out of love with me.”
    “Don’t be stupid.”
    “It’s just how I feel.”
    “Well you feel wrong.” He took another gulp of beer.
    I straightened up and watched him. “I’ve been hard work.”
    His eyebrows lifted, “You have been hard work since the day I met you. That is no surprise to me. I like you hard work. You are worth the work.”
    A smile actually rose from inside me.
    “There see. There’s the girl who used to drag me into clubs, and all sorts of crazy shit.”
    He took another drink from his beer bottle, I took one from the bottle I held. It made me feel a little sick, so I leaned over and put it down on the floor. I’d probably had as much alcohol as my meds were going to let me get away with.
    He looked at me, then drank the rest of his beer down in one hit. He was definitely going to wind up with a hangover.
    He put the bottle down. “Kiss me again.”
    I obeyed, my fingers gripping his head as my tongue danced around his. The cold was penetrating my thin dress, but I ignored it. The music played on, seeping out of the living room, and I heard Lindy’s voice in the kitchen, but I didn’t stop kissing him, as his hands gripped and released on my thighs.
    I could tell he wanted to do more. It was like when we’d started. We’d just been friends, but then we’d danced together, up close and personal for an hour or more, and then we’d looked at