I Must Betray You Read Online Free PDF Page B

stamped with splotches from crying.
    â€œCici, what—”
    She quickly shook her head.
    And put a finger to her lips.

10
ZECE
    Cici, what’s wrong?” I whispered.
    She raised a hand to stop me. She grabbed her pillow from the sofa and put it over the telephone. She then placed a book on top of the pillow.
    Rumors claimed that Romanian telephones were all constructed with built-in listening devices. When whispering wasn’t enough, we put a pillow over the phone, just to be sure. We’d usually put the radio on as well, but ours was malfunctioning.
    Cici sat back down. I pulled a chair from the table so she could whisper in my ear.
    But she didn’t whisper. She looped her arms around my neck. And cried. What had upset her? She finally raised her face to mine, tears streaming down her cheeks.
    “Oh, Pui ,” she whispered.
    Pui. Little chick. It was her nickname for me. I looked at my sister’s tear-streaked face and took a guess. “Examination at the factory?”
    She paused, awkward and averting her eyes, then nodded and returned to my shoulder, crying.
    I didn’t know what to say or how to make it better, so I just let her cry—as she probably did during the examination with the “baby police.” Women were periodically checked for pregnancy at their place of work. The makeshift gynecological exams by medicalinspectors were disgusting and humiliating, not to mention unsanitary.
    Ceauşescu wanted to increase the population, to breed more workers. Population growth meant economic growth. If you were childless, you were taxed.
    Everyone knew Ceauşescu’s decrees:
The fetus is the property of the entire society!
    Heroic women give children to the homeland!
    Anyone who avoids having children is a deserter!
    Mama had only managed to have two children. She felt guilty about it.
    “Fertility under state control? That’s an abuse of human rights!” Bunu would wail. “How can families take care of multiple children with no electricity and so little food? Cristian, there is no happy ending here.”
    Bunu was right. Some infants were put in orphanages where families were assured they’d be cared for and raised properly as good comrades. Would they? Were conditions in the orphanages better than the cement apartment blocks? I pondered those questions in my secret notebook.
    “Oh, Pui .” Cici drew a breath, gathering strength. She wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
    “Stop. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
    What could I say to my sister? What could I say to my own mother who had to suffer the same indignity? Their bodies were owned by the State. I couldn’t promise that things would get better. In the last few years, they had gotten worse. I couldn’t intervene or help. But I wanted to take the pain away. So I leaned in to her ear.
    “Hey, have you heard? Bulă says Romania is repairing the country’s tanks—both of them.”
    Cici looked at me with her gray-blue eyes. She paused, as if suspended. And then she laughed, the laugh I loved, and swatted my shoulder.
    Slowly, her smile faded. She pulled a deep breath. “Promise me you’ll never change. Promise, Pui . We have to stay close.”
    She stared at me with such a desperate, imploring look. My stomach cramped with guilt. If Cici knew that I had become an informer?
    She’d hate me.
    She’d never speak to me again.
    But what choice did I have?
    I swallowed. I think I managed a small smile.
    “Of course,” I whispered. “I promise.”
    Deceit. Treachery. Hypocrisy.
    I lied to my sister. The person I loved most.
    But at the time, I didn’t blame myself for any of it.
    I blamed Him.

11
UNSPREZECE
    8 :50 p.m.
    I waited in the stairwell. Early. Anxious. Maybe a little nervous.
    My sister could tell I was energized about something but didn’t pry.
    “There’s no hot water. The shower will be freezing. Do you want me to boil some water?” she had asked.
    “No, save it for Bunu.”
    I showered under the freezing tap. At least the water was