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orgasm.
    Tor reached behind himself without letting Jake move away and grabbed the other blanket, tossing it carelessly over them. They were still kissing when Jake fell asleep.
    20
    Bareback
    Chapter Three
    It was late. Really late, Jake knew, and he was still awake, going over every pissy little thing he had done wrong in the last twenty years, and then some of the big things. It was one of those nights when no matter how hard he tried he couldn't let go of the sick feeling in his stomach, couldn't stop himself from digging at old wounds.
    He tossed and turned in his bed, half waiting to hear a chorus of voices yelling in the dark, waiting for lights to flash on and angry men to drag him out of bed. He knew it wasn't going to happen, hadn't happened in over a dozen years, but some nights it just felt like it should.
    He got out of bed and went to the window, naked except for his boxer shorts. His room faced the backyard, which meant there wasn't anything to see except acres of open land and a few trees. The moon was up, fat and full, and he watched a cloud cross it, not noticing. His mind was on another moon, not quite as round, and not here. Further south, different time of year, and hard walking. Couldn't get a lift to save his life, like every truck that passed knew where he'd been, or just knew better than to pick up a skinny kid with not even a rucksack. Only thing he had in his pocket that night was a letter from his momma, the only one she ever sent him.
    So they tell me you're sick now, playing with boys. Always thought you were odd. Don't worry about us, Jakey, we'll do just as well without you.
    Jake turned from the window and took a book off the shelf by the bed, not even looking at the title. He held it for a minute and slammed it back in, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't alone in the house. He froze and listened hard to the sounds the house made at night. He could still hear Elias snoring, not much chance of stirring him up before dawn.
    Kip was out, said he was going to stay at Beth's for the night. Tor…well, thinking about Tor wasn't the mental torture he was currently engaging in. Thinking about Tor was becoming more and more a way to relax. And that worried him.
    There was a soft knock on the door and he said, "Yeah, c'mon in," knowing it was the man himself.
    The door swung open and Tor came in, wearing only a pair boxers.
    "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," Jake said, keeping his voice low.
    Tor shut the door behind him and shook his head. "Didn't, man. Not with that anyway.
    I've been listening to you toss about for an hour, at least." Tor came in and swung himself into the chair in the corner, just looking at him.
    Jake sighed. "Yeah, well. One of those nights, you know?"
    Bareback
    21
    Tor just nodded at him, his dark eyes serious. Jake wasn't sure what to say. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Tor, it was just that he didn't want to talk. Tor nodded again, like he'd made a decision, and stood up.
    "Lie down, Taggart. On your belly."
    Jake raised an eyebrow, but turned and lay down on the bed. Tor climbed on after him, onto him, straddling his hips, and started working at Jake's back with strong fingers. He didn't say anything, just kneaded the muscles until Jake started to relax, and kept on going for ages until Jake felt like he was made of Jello. Jake closed his eyes and started to drift off.
    "Better?" Tor whispered in his ear, his hands slowing.
    "Mmmph."
    Tor chuckled quietly and leaned forward again, kissed his shoulder blade. "G'night, Jake." Then he got off him, got off the bed.
    "Stay."
    Jake knew in that instant that Tor wouldn't stay, that he would just go, quietly, and that everything would feel different now. He knew that in a few days, or in a week, they would steal a moment somewhere and get off together, and that it would feel too strange, too unlike the way it was supposed to be. That it would change everything forever, and that he had just crossed a line they both knew