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their man was dogging them; I was waiting in the wings while they stayed with him.
    When I was little, my mom used to take us with her to go cheat on my dad. He cheated first, but we didn’t know that. Mysister and I would be in some guy’s living room sitting on the couch watching Hall and Oates on MTV while she was off in the bedroom doing whatever.
    Years later I watched her hold down a bunch of jobs to support her deadbeat-ass husband. He’d be laid up on the couch, hungover with his sunglasses on, watching The Young and the Restless, talking to her like she was a fucking gerbil. And she’d take it. I used to beg her to leave, but she wouldn’t, and after a while, I’d be like, bitches ain’t shit if my own mom’s this dumb.
    Over the next few years I started dropping weight, pulling more chicks. It was Valentine’s when I finally got some ass. I met her at McDonald’s and banged it out in a church parking lot, made it halfway through that Des’ree song and nutted all over my Nautica shirt.
    I dumped her a few months later. Her ass was so flat I’d get mad when she bent over. She’d be in front of the TV changing the channel, ass looking like a cookie pan.
    She’d be like, “What’s wrong, Jude?”
    I’d be like, “Nothing, take me home.”
    After that, me and Loc would try and run girls. I’d be getting head in the laundry room from some chick and he’d show up with his dick out. Most of the time, they’d look up at me, mouth full of penis, like, “Really?”
    But every now and then, they’d suck us both up.
    One time we were riding in the car. Me, Loc, and his girl in the middle.
    He looks over to me and whispers, “You gotta rub her.”
    So I throw my hand between her legs, start rubbing herpussy through the jeans. The whole ride back from Seven Mile, I was on her. They drop me off and she’s mean mugging.
    Loc gets out, he’s like, “Ay, you got that shit, cuz?”
    I say, “Got what?”
    He says, “You got a rubber?”
    I said, “Hell naw! That’s what you was askin’? You got a rubber? Man I thought you said, ‘You got to rub her’! ”
    We’re laughing about it. She’s in the backseat salty.
    We were some dogs but where we lived, it was Animal Planet and the chicks were no better. Ben’s baby looked an awful lot like Jermaine. Melody put Pooh’s kid on Jamaar cuz she found out Pooh was fucking his retarded sister.
    Dont was claiming a son for two years, then went and got a blood test right before the kid’s second birthday. Wasn’t his. Canceled the party, took the gifts back. Never saw him again.
    We all had told him that bitch wasn’t shit. She used to borrow Dont’s car and we’d see her other baby’s daddy driving that bitch down Perry Street. Told Dont about it, he ain’t do nothing, so we clowned his ass, too.
    Years later I asked him why he dealt with that shady bitch. He told me cuz he didn’t think he was good enough for anybody else.
    I get it.
    Roach used to cock-block. He’d get the neighborhood whore and turn her into his girlfriend. We’d be about to run a train on this chick. He’d get the pussy, then block the doorway talking about, “Me and Krista spoke on it, dog, and it’s just gonna be just me and her.”
    Fine, we’ll run her purse.
    Next day, he’s like, “That’s fucked-up, you didn’t have to take her beeper man.”
    And we’d be like, “You didn’t have to wife our fuckin’ busto.”
    One time I had this drunk chick in the bathroom about to blow me, but her big cousin kept knocking on the door, so I told Roachie, “Take her ass down to the graveyard while we keep her cousin busy, and me and Myron’ll meet up with you in like ten minutes and we’ll all get our dick sucked.”
    He didn’t even go to the graveyard. By the time we found ’em under a tree somewhere, Roachie’d already gotten some head and was talking to her about her boyfriend and she’s sittin’ there crying.
    We’re standing over her arguing.
    Myron’s like,