How to Keep Rolling After a Fall Read Online Free PDF Page B

you?” I ask. “There was this party. At my house.” Might as well just go ahead and tear off the Band-Aid before I let the temptation to bury the story get the better of me. Shaking my head, I say, “There was a time when the very fact that I had a party at my house would’ve put me in a catastrophic amount of trouble if I got caught, but after the fact … the party itself ended up being a small detail.”
    The bright red rectangular stains from the bottoms of the Mad Dog bottles on the white kitchen counters … the lingering scent of smoke in the basement … the puke caked on the toilet seat in my parents’ private bathroom  … Any of it would’ve caused a major grounding. But these infractions were glossed over entirely.
    â€œThis girl from my grade … Taylor.” My throat closes around her name. “She got really drunk. Hooked up with a bunch of different people during the night. At some point, my friend Lauren opened the door to my bedroom and saw Taylor in there with two guys at the same time. My other friend Carlee—she grabbed her camera. They took pictures.”
    They were gross, the pictures. All of them partially undressed, doing God knows what between my brand-new chevron-print PBteen sheets. They were shocking.
    â€œMy best friends all slept over at my house that night. The next morning, someone got a really brilliant idea.” My forehead falls into my hands. The post was time-stamped 10:23. We couldn’t blame it on still being drunk.
    My limbs are shaking, and it has nothing to do with the chill. I feel sick to my stomach, as I always do when I get to this part. “My house, my laptop, my Facebook account, already logged into. When the pictures were posted, they were posted from my account.”
    I glance over at Pax, who is still listening intently. In what I consider an act of supreme compassion, he peels my hands off my forehead. They feel like ice inside his palms, and he draws them within the sleeves of his hoodie. I let him hold them.
    He is being too nice, and my stomach turns. “I haven’t told you the worst part yet,” I whisper.
    We’re sort of lying on our sides, facing each other, and I really wish there weren’t a worst part.
    â€œThe pictures didn’t last long, obviously. Facebook admin yanked them within about twenty minutes. But what was done was done. People made screen caps; everyone had seen them. Including Taylor.” I squeeze my eyes shut against the memory.
    â€œAfterward … Taylor … She posted something in response.” I really think I might throw up. “She posted that we’d ruined her life.” My heart thunders against my rib cage. “She said she was going to kill herself.”
    Pax stiffens and pushes himself up onto an elbow. “What’d she do?”
    â€œShe took some pills.”
    I’m not sure how serious the attempt was. I’d heard it amounted to a dozen Tylenol or something. People saw the post and called her parents, and she had her stomach pumped within an hour’s time. The damage she caused to herself didn’t have lasting effects, thank God .
    But other consequences of our actions … were irreversible.
    â€œPeople were able to take care of her in time, and she was okay.” The firmly lodged knife of guilt reannounces its presence in my gut as I consider the other possible outcome. I look him in the eye, pleading. “The whole thing just got entirely out of control. We never, ever in a million years thought something like that would happen.”
    At the time, it had seemed like a joke. I can’t remember it feeling that way now, but at the time, it hadn’t been a matter of life and death.
    â€œI believe you,” he says quietly.
    â€œI got expelled,” I say succinctly. “In New Jersey, it’s up to the individual school districts how they’re going to