How to Keep Rolling After a Fall Read Online Free PDF

scariest thing imaginable.”
    Pax sifts sand through his fingers. “So I kept at it until I was confident enough that I could get myself in and out. So that fear would be gone. And it couldn’t rule my life anymore. Then being in the chair wasn’t nearly as unbearable.”
    â€œMakes sense.”
    â€œYeah, it does. It’s not a pride thing or anything, and I have no problem taking help when I need it. But mentally, I just needed to know that I don’t always need it.”
    I stare at his strong profile. “You have, like, an amazing attitude.”
    â€œWasn’t always like that,” he says, pushing his hair off his forehead and then reclining back onto his elbows. I mirror his action.
    â€œLosing things … sucks.” He buries his chin in his chest. “Sucks big-time. I lost more than my legs, obviously. The full ride to Cal for water polo that was only a year away. The second half of high school. Couple of years of my life. It’s all relative, though. Loss … It’s all relative. And no one took it away, no one but me.” He closes his eyes, and I notice his Adam’s apple press against his throat. “Night of state championships. I had four buddies in the car, and we were all hyped up. They were hopping over the seats and messing with the radio. Can’t blame them for acting crazy when I’m the one who let them. It was on me to focus on the road, but I didn’t. And I’m the one who hit the other car. Luckily, the woman … the twins inside … I didn’t do to them what I did to myself. Or worse.”
    His admission is sort of chilling. It’s all too easy to remember similar weekend car rides with my old friends. Pax is the thing no one believes will ever really happen. And here he sits.
    After giving himself a minute, he opens his eyes. “So life doesn’t look the way I thought it would.” He smiles wanly. “Instead of dominating in the pool and picking up surfer chicks in Cali, I’m still at home. Working as an emergency dispatcher, because maybe I can actually do something useful without being able to move. It’s still a decent life, and ultimately, I know I’m lucky. I try to remember that. Some days it’s easy. Some days … not so much. I still have mornings when I wake up, look at myself in the mirror, and find myself asking, ‘Who the hell are you, dude?’” He shakes his head. “Life changed overnight.”
    A particularly cold breeze comes in off the water, and I tremble. Remembering how it felt to stare at the stranger in the mirror, I find myself speaking up. “Yeah, I know a thing or two about that.” I grimace. “The way that guy acted at the center—there’s a pretty good reason for it.”
    â€œYou don’t have to tell me.”
    His response is sure and immediate and surprises me. A lot of people seem to have a sick curiosity for stories like mine.
    â€œReally?”
    â€œReally. I’m a firm believer in new beginnings. Looking back all the time … It really starts to hurt your neck.” He shrugs carelessly “If you don’t want to be defined by your past, you shouldn’t have to be.”
    I tear my gaze away from his face and stare out into the dark water. Pax is offering me a gift. He is offering me the one thing I can’t seem to find anywhere else.
    But in the end, I shake my head. I’m scarred from what happened with Jeremiah. I tried to reinvent my life with him, and it blew up in my face. No point in getting to know someone if they’re just going to end up hating me later. “It’s cool of you to be like that. But really, you might as well know.”
    Before I get really used to the idea of having you around.
    â€œIf you want to tell me, for you, go ahead. Just don’t feel like you have to for me.”
    â€œYou told me the ugly truth, didn’t