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twenty-minute search, trying on women’s bras.
    ‘I was afraid I’d lose it,’ I said. ‘Look, I’m driving back to the hospital right now; I only stopped to talk to you. I didn’t want her to wake without her favourite books. Jake – she collapsed.’
    ‘Why?’
    ‘They said she has diabetes.’ It felt like someone else said the words.
    ‘What? I don’t understand. How? I mean, she’s nine .’
    ‘It’s not like that – there are two sorts apparently and hers is just random. It’s no one’s fault. Remember I told you a few weeks ago how she was thirsty a lot? I feel so bad that I didn’t do anything then! I thought she was playing up. Missing you. I told you remember and you agreed and said she’d settle down.’
    ‘I did, yes. But maybe if I’d been there I’d have known it was something more.’
    ‘So you’re saying I should’ve known?’
    ‘No,’ he said softly. ‘I didn’t mean that.’
    ‘You did. And you’re right. I’m terrible.’
    ‘No, you’re not.’ He paused. ‘Is she going to be okay? I just can’t take it all in. What happens now?’
    ‘Injections. Forever. But yes, they say she’ll be right as rain in a few days.’ I braced myself for a question I feared the answer to. ‘So will they let you come home?’
    Jake didn’t speak. I imagined I heard gunfire, but it was only a truck backing up on the opposite side of the road.
    ‘They should let me yes. I don’t know how soon, I’ll have to find out.’
    ‘I’ll cope until then,’ I said, and added, perhaps more to convince myself, ‘I will . I don’t want you to worry; you have to stay safe. I’m sure I can manage this for a day or two until you’re here. How hard can it be? They’re going to show me how to do it all soon. I’ll be fine. Rose will be fine. I promise. I’ll look after our little pal.’ We’d always affectionately called her this and as I said the nickname my throat closed up.
    ‘I wish I was there for her,’ said Jake.
    ‘I know. But I’m here.’
    ‘You need to get back to the hospital.’
    ‘You want me to go?’
    ‘I just want you to be with her, in case she wakes up,’ he said. ‘God, I feel so useless!’
    ‘You’re not. You’re just doing what you signed up to do. Last week Rose had to do this project about who her hero is – she wrote about you. You keep yourself safe and I’ll keep our little pal safe.’
    When he didn’t speak I knew all the words he wasn’t saying.
    ‘I’ll get back to her,’ I said.
    ‘I’ll ring as soon as I possibly can with news of when they might release me. You’ll call the helpline if anything else happens, you promise?’
    ‘Of course I will – but it won’t.’
    ‘I love you, Natalie.’
    ‘Love you too.’
    After hanging up I sat still for a moment. Sunlight began to slide its way along the roofs and trees, its fingers not yet quite long enough to touch my car. As natural light took over, the electric lamps died. Soon Rose would rely on injected insulin to do what was the natural job of her pancreas. How I wished I could give her mine.
    I telephoned each of my parents. They’d separated when I was eleven, amicably, different natures dividing them like fields and forest. My mum lived on the Isle of Wight now with a man much younger, someone who lived life with the same vigour. My dad lived a bit closer, but his secluded nature sometimes made it seem as though he were as far away.
    Each responded differently, but completely as I’d expected. Mum wailed and asked when she should come up, to which I insisted there was no need. Dad calmly asked practical questions and for facts about the nature of the illness. I gave them what they needed.
    Then I drove back to the hospital.

    Rose was still sleeping. A faint blush of red now coloured her cheeks. I’d wanted to call her Little Pink when she was born because the midwives had said what lovely skin she had. Quite rightly, Jake suggested she might be mocked at school, and so we settled