How Should a Person Be?

How Should a Person Be? Read Online Free PDF

Book: How Should a Person Be? Read Online Free PDF
Author: Sheila Heti
Tags: General Fiction
affair with lots of directors, curators, and free martinis or something.
    2.you and i have very personally not been invited.
    3.i heard gossip that selena felt pretty stupid about telling me she didn’t like female writers. i nodded.
    1.i’ve been throwing out old art for the last couple of days, trying hard not to, trying hard to, but i just now figured that it’s only fair to explain to you who i am, so i am emailing you my very first painting (17 yrs of age—­i wish i could say 14 but the date is written on it along with my very fancy signature) even though i want to throw it out.
    2.and i found my cigarettes in the street!
    3.my paintings look pretty good when i’m wearing your special glasses. thank you.
    1.misha and i ­were taking a walk this afternoon. we passed a please come in for our open ­house sign. we went through a small little door in a fence into a small little garden into a small little ­house. it was leaning about 5 degrees to the left. the windows open like doors and the bedroom is the size of a car.
    2.i thought maybe you could buy it. “it’s 240 thousand, no money down,” the meek woman said, “and 100 years old.”
    3.i wish i could buy a ­house for a friend like i can buy a cake.
    4. if you’re curious about what i think you look like as a ­house, you should see it.
    1.i am surprised at how much i miss you, like a real teenage girl.
    1.hello. i was wondering, if you have red bike lights, could i borrow them tomorrow night?
    1.i’m going to paint your portrait a hundred times and never mention it to anyone—­articulately.
    1.yes, i would like to see you. i have all the time in the world.
    When I was little, I would lie in bed and stare at the ceiling in the darkened room at night, and quietly sing the song we had been taught in Hebrew school on the first day of the year, which we sang every morning.
    Love is something if you give it away,
    Give it away, give it away,
    Love is something if you give it away,
    You end up having more.
    Love is like a magic penny!
    Hold on tight and you won’t have any!
    Lend it, spend it, you’ll have so many,
    They’ll roll all over the floor, oh!
    This seemed impossible to me, just crazy! If you give it away you’ll end up having more ? It was the only poem I knew and my favorite one, for it baffled me. I recited it over and over to myself, as if there was something I could learn from it. In my head, in rooms in homes, zillions of pennies rolled all over the floors, thick and encompassing like waves.
    While I was lying there, overcome with wonder like that, Margaux was down in Texas, fighting with the pop­u­lar girls beneath the harsh Texas sun. The afternoon of her grade-­six graduation ceremony, she knew she would have to climb the stairs of the gym and stand on stage before every one to receive an award for being the smartest kid in the school. That morning, as she was getting dressed, she went into her father’s closet and pulled out a brown suit and her father’s brown shoes and stuffed them in a duffel bag and took them with her as she left the ­house. Right before the announcement, she put them on and walked across the stage, the arms of his jacket hanging low beneath her hands, the cuffs of his pants bunched and dragging, to the laughter of the audience, her dignity intact.
    For so long I had been looking hard into every person I met, hoping I might discover in them all the thoughts and feelings I hoped life would give me, but hadn’t. There are some people who say you have to find such things in yourself, that you cannot count on anyone to supply even the smallest crumb that your life lacks.
    Although I knew this might be true, it didn’t prevent me from looking anyway. Who cares what people say? What people say has no effect on your heart.

• chapter 4 •
    SHEILA ­CAN’T FINISH HER PLAY
    M argaux wanted to take me for ice cream in
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