How Not to Date an Alien Read Online Free PDF Page A

you do more harm in your attempts to protect it. And the arrogance humans display! This planet existed long before your people were developed, and yet you worry that small, insignificant beings such as yourself will bring it to destruction. And what you do personally to yourselves…”
    “Insignificant!”
    “Quite.” He rose up on one elbow and turned toward her. “And arrogant. But I was speaking of what you do to yourselves personally. High fructose corn syrup.” He rolled his eyes. “Monosodium glutamate, red dye number seven? Why all of that when you could just eat fresh fruits and vegetables? You even poison your meat beasts in an attempt to get more. Why does everything here have to be larger than the rest?”
    “I — Uh —” He had her there. “That has nothing to do with you wanting to eat me!”
    “It has a lot to do with me wanting to eat you.” He leaned over and sniffed at her neck. “All of these elements affect your taste.”
    “So I guess you won’t be eating me, then,” she concluded, leaning back in the bed. “I am too chemically preserved to be tasty.”
    His “No,” popped her bubble quickly.
    “N-no-o?”
    “I purged your system of the fermented fruit juices you consumed yesterday. I have also purged most of the harmful chemicals from your body.”
    “Purged?”
    “Indeed.” He licked his lips as he ran appreciative eyes over her body. “Now I have to feed you the proper foods to enhance your already pleasant natural taste, and then it is time to feast.”
    “But — but — I don’t have any fresh food and veggies in the apartment,” she pointed out weakly. “I’ve barely unpacked!”
    “Then we will have to adjourn to the outside to find proper nourishment.”
    “And what makes you think I won’t run the hell away from you the moment I get a chance?”
    “Because of your friends.” He gifted her with a huge smile. “I have their scent, and I can easily hunt down each and every female in their blood line and satisfy my urges with them instead.”
    “But — but Lena has a young child!” Kilana’s eyes went wide.
    “I can keep her caged until she grows to the appropriate size and age.”
    “Cage Tuesday? That would take years,” Kil whimpered, a tear coming to her eyes at the thought of Lena’s daughter caged like a veal calf and then fattened up until some alien epicurean would deem her worthy of his dinner table.
    “I have time.” He rose to his feet.
    “O — okay,” she stuttered. “I won’t run.”
    “As if I would let you,” he chuckled. Turning toward her closet, he meandered over and started to dig. “And because you are granting me such a boon —”
    “Granting?” She choked on the word.
    “I will dress in an appropriate human manner.”
    “So no one will notice,” she decided.
    “Every hunter has to have the proper camouflage,” he pointed out while riffling through her clothing. “It is a wonderful thing that I can fit into some of your garments.”
    And Kilana watched, pouting, as the alien selected a pair of slim black jeans and slid them up his long, muscular legs.
    They made his ass look spectacular. The tight Das Boot t-shirt he slid on next enhanced the muscular planes of his chest and the broadness of his shoulders. He looked like a damn gothic model.
    “Wonderful,” she said. “You know you’re going commando underneath that, right?”
    “Commando? Soldier with violent tendencies and the ability to explode large flying war machines completely alone?”
    “Sans underwear.” She was beginning to grow amused despite her current situation. “Did you learn English by watching old movies?”
    “Yes. And do you mean I have to wear clothing under these tight garments?
    Why so many layers?”
    He tilted his head to the side and stared at her like he was a cute little puppy dog with antennas.
    “We just do,” she informed him. “Women secrete…”
    “Lots of fluids.” He grinned again, and she was beginning to recognize