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says roughly, then clears his throat. “You’re fifty feet above the water.”
    â€œOkay, ma’am, steady on the descent and let’s slow it down,” Lego says. “Mess, can you see if you can pull her window open?”
    Messy pokes his head into the cockpit and reaches over me to grab the window handle. He starts coughing and has to pull back. “Shit! I couldn’t get it.”
    â€œHow you doin’, ma’am?” Lego says.
    â€œI still don’t have a visual,” I say.
    I don’t think I’ve ever gripped the controls as tightly as I am now. I’m flying on instruments, we’re approaching the back of a ship, one with a very small flight deck, a deck that is anything but stable, and one that I can’t see. I breathe through the narrowest slit in my teeth. I know I’ll start coughing if I open my mouth any wider.
    â€œMa’am, we need to descend, nice and easy,” Lego says. “We’re almost at threshold. Keep it steady. Steady. There. Crossing threshold. Steady. We’re fifteen feet above the deck.”
    I look up. Thank God. The ship’s superstructure and the stabilization bar—a horizon reference. It’s moving in and out of the smoke. Oh, crap. Now it’s gone. I can’t see the deck below me at all, which is probably a good thing because frankly, I don’t want to know. My eyes go back to the gyro.
    â€œOkay, ma’am, back two. Steady. Left one. Steady. The deck’s movin’ like a motherfucker. Steady. I’ll try to call it on a rise. Steady. Back one. Steady.”
    I’m swimming in sweat and my hands are starting to cramp. Come on! Get this down!
    Because Commander Claggett has jettisoned his escape hatch, the sound of the rotors echoing against the metal of the aircraft hangar doors resonates like thunderclaps. Wind gusts through the cockpit, rushing across my face, yet doing nothing to rid the aircraft of smoke.
    â€œOnce you’re on deck, you’ll need to keep flyin’,” Lego says. “There’s a good chance we might have to pick up again. Back one. Steady. Up one. Steady. Left one. Steady. Steady.”
    I don’t know how much longer I can hold this. My throat is scratchy and I can’t start coughing now. Commander Claggett is hacking next to me. Oh please, let us get down fast.
    â€œSorry, ma’am. Left one. Steady. Left one. Steady. The deck’s just … goddamn it! Steady. Left one. Okay, steady. Steady. Now! Down, down, down!”
    I drive the helicopter to the deck, landing firmly. The chock and chain men run under the rotor arc to secure us.
    The ocean lifts the ship, tossing it down the steep backside of a colossal swell, the wheels of the helicopter perilously close to slipping. If they do, we would slide straight across the deck and topple over the edge. So I move the stick like I’m flying, to keep the wheels in place while the men underneath work to tie us down. I’m still operating in the blind, so the manipulating of the controls is happening by feel. Shit. This is not good.
    â€œEasy back on the cyclic,” Lego says. “Stay with it.”
    Come on! Come on! Come on!
    â€œStay easy back,” Lego says. “We’re still pitchin’ down. Stay with it. Stay with it.”
    God, this is taking forever!
    â€œDamn it already! Come on!” Lego says, imploring the chock and chain men to hurry. “Okay, steady, ma’am. We’re starting to pitch up now. Easy forward. Easy forward. You’ve got this. Steady. One more chain to go. You’ve got this. Steady. Steady. Okay, we’re chained. Shut the bird down ASAP!”
    You don’t have to tell me twice.
    I slump in my seat. Holy hell …

 
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    â€œMess, get the pax out the back!” Lego shouts.
    Commander Claggett reaches by feel for the switches to kill the engines, while at the same time, Lego, who has jumped down to the