rose from their seats, two of them even fainted once they saw Heather sprawled across the floor.
Rich and I looked at each other and cracked up, tears flowed from our eyes from laughing so hard.
âI repeat, Wu-Wu down!â
âWhat in the hell?â Rich and I said in unison.
âMove, move ... get out the way. Co-Co Ming coming through.â
The crowd stepped back and there stood this . . . this, I donât know what it was. All I know is he wore a pink ostrich hair floor-length coat over a sharp, brown Brooks Brothers suit with a pink tie and a pair of pink kitten heels on his feet, holding a bullhorn in his hand. âDrop the can, Spencer. And slowly back away from the Wu-Wu.â
Rich and I looked at each other and resumed laughing.
âOhmygod, who the hell is that? â I asked in between chuckles.
Rich waved me on. âOh, girl, please. Pay him and his theatrics no mind. Thatâs Co-Co, president of the Wu-Wu Tanner fan club.â
Co-Co? Alrighty then...
âI said step away from the Wu-Wu. Iâm warning you, Spencer. Drop the weapon . . .â
Spencer dropped the can of Mace, then dropped down to her knees putting her hands up over her head as if she were under arrest. She looked dazed.
Ohmygod, her goggles are fogged up!
âDonât shoot,â she said. âI didnât wanna hurt her. I swear I didnât. I only wanted to teach her a lesson for burning my neck up. I really didnât wanna bust open a can of whip-azz on her and make it rain up in here. But she had it coming. Please donât shoot me.â
I blinked.
Rich blinked.
Then we both burst out laughing as security escorted Spencer out of the café, and Heather was rolled out on a stretcher, screaming, âWu-Wu took a lickinâ, but Wu-Wu still kickinâ. I canât see, but Iâma always be me. Ohmygod, my eyeballs are on fire!â
âWe love you, Wu-Wu!â Co-Co Ming screamed as he followed behind the stretcher. âCo-Co Ming has your back! Donât worry, Iâll set it off for you, just like you did in the last episode when Jenny tried to attack you and you had to smack her. I got you, Wu-Wu!â
Iâd never seen anything like this in my entire life. Back in New York, yeah, we were real catty. And, yes, we could be downright ... messy when called for. We ruled the world. And you were lucky if we let you live in it. But, setting it off on the first day of school is, and was, a definite no-no. But, here it was only fourth period and I was already exhausted from all the drama Iâd witnessed today. I needed a damn Cosmo!
âGirl, I canât,â I hollered in laughter. âI canât believe Spencer took it to Heatherâs face like that. Nutty or not, that girl has heart.â
Rich pulled out a Chanel handkerchief and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. âI canât breathe,â she wailed in laughter. âSpencer said, âI had no choice, no choice...ââ Rich stuttered, â â. . . but to do you good!â â
I laughed and shook my head. âBut wait, wait, did you see Heather, I mean Wu-Wu, drop down and sweeping the floor with it. She looked like a circus ho on E-pills. And what the hell is a Wu-Wu , anyway?â
âOh, you donât know. I thought I told you. Thatâs Heatherâs TV show character. The show is hot and popping. Sheâs dubbed herself Americaâs sweetheart. Whatever. All I know is that she doesnât know when to come out of character. Trust she gives new meaning to Trash TV.â
âPoor thing. Bless her little raggedy, confused heart,â I said, laughing again. âAnd this president of her fan club. Girl, heâs a fashion nightmare. Who in the hell wears ostrich hairs in eighty-degree weather and kitten heels with a manâs suit? Ohmygod he was dead wrong for that.â
Rich chuckled. âGirl, Co-Co Ming is the king of Project Runway