Holding On (Memories) Read Online Free PDF

far away. I just... Go there to think. Remember.” Mum smiles weakly.
    “I don't want to ruin your time, Mum.”
    “If you want to, Lexy, I'd love you to come with me. Maybe we could remember together?”
    I see the face of the old woman I love so much in my mind, and I nod. “I'd love to, Mum.”
    I pass into the hallway, blinking back some tears, and grab my jacket.
    Mum opens the door. “Let's go, then.”

    ~

    A gentle autumn breeze teases my hair as I lean against the railings of the small bridge.
    “So what happened last night?” Mum asks me, gazing at the water running under us.
    “I discovered that two months is a long time,” I reply. “And people really do change more than you thought.”
    “I thought you learnt that in Devon.”
    “I did. Mum, will you be honest?” I look at her, and she turns her face to me. Her hair falls down and her beautiful eyes blink at me.
    “Of course.”
    “Last night, all Jayna cared about was herself. No questions asked about how I was feeling, none about the family or anything. She was only bothered about getting drunk and who she could take home. She even tried it with Alec before he told her it wasn't gonna happen. She felt like a stranger. I guess I wanna know...Was I really that horrible before we left?” I look away from her, unable to handle what I'm scared she'll say. Silence stretches between us, and I chew on my lip.
    “No,” she says. “No, baby, you weren't horrible at all. Were you immature, naïve about the world, and egocentric? Yes, you were, like most teenagers are today. You were never horrible. You always cared about others – even if you didn't show it. You were led by peer pressure a lot. You were scared of being cast aside, I think. That's why I made you come to Devon. I knew eight weeks in my home town would help you find who you are, not who you thought you should be. And I was right. The little girl that was hiding under the tough teen exterior came out, and she fell in love.” I look back at her, and she's smiling, her eyes watery. “You were never horrible, Alexis. You were a little lost, but now you're found. I'm proud of the person you've become.” Mum looks out at the water again, swallowing heavily. “And I know Mum was proud of you, too. She always was.”
    A tear drips from my eye, and I move closer to her, linking my arm through hers. “I remember Grammy bringing us here when she used to come up before Granddad died. She'd send him and Bing off somewhere, and we'd trek through the trees looking for dry leaves and other bits. Then we'd make collage pictures.” I smile.
    “And then Dad died, and she stopped making the trip. I don't think she could face it alone, you know.”
    “And then three years later we stopped going to see her,” I add sadly. “Why did we stop going?”
    Mum shrugs a shoulder and sighs. “You kids were getting older. You didn't want to spend the summer with your grandmother three hundred odd miles away from your friends. We felt it best to stay here. Until last summer... We always knew it could be her last, and as much as you hated it when we made the decision to go, we knew you'd never forgive us if we didn't make you. Since you were seventeen, we still had control over your actions. You could have left on your birthday, but I was right in hoping two weeks would be enough to make you want to stay.”
    “I could have left?”
    “Of course. You're an adult at eighteen. I couldn't have stopped you if you'd wanted to go.”
    “You never told me that.”
    “Would it have made a difference if I did? Would you have gone?”
    I rest my head on her shoulder and listen to the gentle rush of the water. “No,” I reply in a soft voice. “I wouldn't have left. I would have stayed.”

Chapter Four

JEN

    “Your best friend,” I seethe. “Is. An. Asshole!” I barge past Alec into his flat, and he looks at me and the empty space on the other side of the door in shock.
    “I... Say what?” He frowns, and