Holding On Read Online Free PDF

and stood shocked to see his reply. I grabbed my purse, gave Emma and Ella a hug, along with about ten other people, and bolted out the door. I drove as fast as possible without breaking too many laws, and as I pulled into my apartment complex, my heart dropped into my stomach. He really was here.
    Stepping inside the crappy apartment was like stepping into a fairy tale. Sparkly white Christmas lights hung from the ceiling (they were not there when I left earlier), soft music was playing in the background, and the TV was still on one of the countdown shows. Brad stood in the center of the room, wearing a white t-shirt that hugged his beautiful upper body in all the right places and jeans that sat just perfectly low enough on his hips that I knew the top of his boxers would be visible if he lifted up his shirt. Wow! He truly was gorgeous, and he was waiting for me.
    “Hey,” he said in such a low voice that I wondered for a moment why he was whispering. I knew my mom was home, but I was sure that she was not asleep since Brad was still here. Leaving or not, no matter how much she trusted us together, she would never allow this to happen. Me alone with a boy was equal to me grounded for life.
    “Happy New Year!” I replied for lack of anything else to say. I think I was still in a state of shock over finding him here. My eyes were glued to his, and I couldn’t tear them away. As I stared at him, I realized that I had wasted the past five years wanting this—his arms around me tightly, his clean scent overwhelming me. His friendship was the most important thing in my life, and I never wanted to lose that, but this was even better. I had pushed the dreams that our relationship would move in this direction out of my mind over and over again, and it had to happen now. Why now? Why did he have to show me how he felt when things were so screwed up? It was completely unfair to both of us.
    I was still in shock when he crossed the room and took my hand. As if reading my mind, he pulled me forward into a hug, and I let myself melt into him, inhaling all that was Brad. I was not going to be able to live without his warmth. Do not cry! Do not cry! I kept repeating this to myself until he released me from our hug and pulled me to the couch. I sat wrapped up in his arms, trying to find something to say. Nothing was going to make this easier, and nothing was going to change it.
    As if he sensed what I was thinking, he laid us down and pulled a blanket over us. I snuggled into him and tried to get my emotions in check. After a few deep breaths, I look up to find him watching me. I couldn’t help but look into his beautiful eyes, such a rich brown with just a dusting of gold around his irises. He was waiting for me to fall apart, and so was I. Without another word from either of us, we cuddled up together, and he held me until sleep encompassed me.
    When I awoke, I immediately felt alone. Brad was no longer cuddled up with me but was at the end of the couch, watching me sleep. He was holding a small box and an envelope in his massive hands. He looked completely deflated. He must have slept even less than I did by the shadows under his eyes and the fact that there were two steaming cups of coffee sitting next to him. He had obviously been up for a while if he had gone out for coffee.
    I sat up and stretched, never taking my eyes off of his. He moved a little close and pulled me in for a hug. As he pulled away, he set the box in my lap and pulled my hand to his chest, right over his heart. He kissed me lightly and rested his forehead against mine. We stayed like that for a minute before he broke the silence.
    “Remember what I said”—he patted my hand that was over his heart—“Always here.”
    With that, he kissed me once more, and it felt final. I felt the good- bye in his touch. By the time, I opened my eyes he was gone. I suddenly felt completely and utterly alone for the first time in my life. That’s when every emotion I had