Holding Her in Madness Read Online Free PDF Page A

I’m so sorry. I didn’t...” The fucking brick lodged in my throat stops me for a second until I cough to clear it away. “I didn’t mean to get carried away. I swear to God I didn’t. It’s just...”
    “Lil? Lil? Where’d you run off to, girl?” my aunt Vikki calls from the porch. When I hear the front door close, I yank Lil around. A fucking smile is splitting my face in two, but I could not give a flying fuck.
    Apparently my little firecracker finds this funny. “Mm hmm, it’s just what, Mr.-I-Asked-You-A-Question?” Her grin does absolutely nothing to calm my raging hard-on.
    “You ain’t no fucking child, are ya, my little firecracker? Shit! You’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before, Lil. Fucking sexy as hell, sassy as shit, lookin’ so goddamn innocent. I’ve been running from you for a month. Then I get one taste, one fuckin’ taste of you, and you come alive in my arms like I’m balls deep inside you.”
    I watch as confusion flashes across her face.
    I realize we’re out of time. I need to think quick, get Lil’s ass into the house, and sell Aunt Vikki our cover story.
    I don’t know what the hell falls out of my mouth until we’re standing in front of my uncle’s disapproving glare. “Guess what I found in the backyard running around, trying to catch lightning bugs when I stepped outside for a smoke?”
    After my aunt and uncle seem to accept the lies spewing from my mouth, they walk out of the kitchen. I, however, keep my arm locked around Lil’s waist until they are out of sight and hearing range before I kiss her freckled shoulder and whisper with my lips still against it, “Tomorrow night, firecracker, tomorrow night...and make sure you have a friend and a lie lined up, ‘cause you aren’t goin’ home at bedtime, baby.”
    Okay, so… Keep in mind, I’m only saying this because when I decided to tell my story, I swore I would do my fucking BEST not to leave anything out, and I also swore that I wouldn’t hold back, nor would I lie.
    After Lil left with my aunt, I’m exactly where you know I am—at home in bed, jerking off like a fucking preteen, trying in vain to make my wood go away.
    Fuck! No Dice!
    Lil may not know it yet, but she’s fuckin’ mine. Don’t know when it happened or how it happened. But that girl is mine... All of her, come tomorrow night.

What the fuck was I thinking?
    What in the mother FUCK was I thinking?
    I’ll tell you what—nothing! Not a damn thing other than the fact that I got her ass drunk as hell on accident, freaked the fuck out, then…somehow found the nearest piece-of-shit motel on the damn planet. Checked us in just to get her warm—ANOTHER horrendous fail on my part.
    But who drinks less than a six-pack and it has them going from a beaming, flirty bombshell, a fuckin’ mythical goddess, to a retching Lil, hanging her head out the window, blowin’ chunks. IN THREE minutes flat?
    I knew the second I crossed that state line what I was doing. I was fucking running. I didn’t want to lose her. Just the thought makes my fuckin’ chest crack in two and my blood whoosh past my eardrums.
    I thought if I kept handing her beer after beer she wouldn’t notice.
    Honest to God, I was bankin’ on her ass passing the fuck out. And when we were halfway across the country and she woke up in the morning, there wouldn’t be a fucking thing she could do but stay with me.
    What the fuck was I thinking, goddammit? After I… Shit! I can’t even think about it without getting nauseated.
    I flipped my shit. I lost my damn mind.
    Before I even knew what the hell I was doing, I had already sprayed her with the damn hard rinse sprayer at the fuckin’ car wash. I couldn’t even see straight I was so livid. I just wanted to get her clean. Clean my fucking fuck-up off of her. She’s too damn pure, too perfect. Especially for my piece-of-shit ass.
    I had her, what? Less than five hours and already I’ve fucked up too many times to count.
    I feel the