together in a coordinated way.
The water couldnât be that deepâI only needed to swim a few feet. Or stand. Maybe I only needed to stand. If I could figure out which way was up. I wasnât cold any more, just very, very stiff, as if I were wrapped in a thick layer of gauze.
It occurred to me that Iâd just been talking about Kayleigh drowning. I didnât want to drown. I sputtered in fear. Bubbles burst out of my mouth, trailed across my face.
Follow the bubbles. Where had I read that? Was it in a movie? If you donât know which way is up when youâre underwater, follow
the bubbles, because theyâre going up, theyâre escaping the cold, black water into blessed air. I felt the bottom pressing my elbow. I tried to reach out and push off, but I didnât move far.
There was a terrific humming in my ears, like electricity. Electricity always reminded me of Lorena. Rivers and electricity. Canoes. Lorena hadnât drowned, though; sheâd been on the edge of the water.
Images flashed in my head, incredibly vivid. Geometrical figures flying past, like futuristic cities, each shape glowing colorfully, creating a kaleidoscope that spun and twisted around me. Outside sensationsâthe press of water, the sound of my body struggling not to breathe, then, finally, giving in and inhalingâreceded. Then my thoughts receded too.
CHAPTER 2
I snapped awake.
The TV was on.
âThis is not good. This is not good,â a woman said. She was crying.
I thought it was the woman Iâd swerved to avoid in the road, that she had pulled me out of the water and for some reason taken me to her house. But I was in the same seat as the woman, like she was sitting in my lap, only she wasnât, because she wasnât blocking my view of the TV. I tried to look around, but couldnât.
I leaned forward and retrieved a cigarette from a pack of Camels sitting on the coffee table. Only I didnât. It was as if someone else was moving me. I didnât smoke. I never smoked.
âOh, Christ,â the woman moaned. I looked at my hands as I lit the cigarette with a red plastic lighter, only again, I didnât mean to look at my handsâmy eyes just went there. They werenât even my handsâthey were a womanâs hands, slim and pale, with rings on three fingers. They were trembling. The cigarette came to my mouth and my lips wrapped around it. Not my lips, this womanâs lips. I was
watching from behind her eyes. She didnât seem to know I was there.
I felt her heart pounding, and that at least felt right, because I was terrified. Her heart was pounding for her own reasons, though, not mine.
We looked toward the TV. A reporter wearing a medical mask stood in front of a hospital, its windows dancing with reflected red lights from emergency vehicles. Behind the reporter people raced around, all of them wearing masks.
The supporting title at the bottom of the screen read: Anthrax Attack in Atlanta.
The reporter was speaking in a breathless voice. âPeter, Emergency personnel are scrambling to find some way to handle the crush of victims in what is now being described as a terrorist attack that may have originated in the MARTA subway system.â
I thought of Annie, hoped that somehow, against all odds, she was all right.
I stood, or the woman stood, and went into the kitchen. We grabbed a bottle of red wine by the neck, and, as we turned toward a drawer, I caught a glimpse of the woman reflected in the microwave. It was Lyndsay, my date.
We took a long swig right from the bottle, set it down on the coffee table, then picked up a phone, punched a number, got an âall circuits are busyâ recording.
âShit!â We threw the phone down.
I tried to make sense of what was happening to me. This must be a hallucination. I was dying, and for some reason my brain was creating this vivid, pointless hallucination of what Lyndsay might be doing at this