Hit & Mrs. Read Online Free PDF Page B

the floor, remember, I want Howard Lipshitz’s Funeral Home to handle the arrangements.”
    Ida spun around. “Lipshitz? That idiot?”
    â€œWhat’s wrong with him?”
    â€œHis name says it all, you can’t trust a word he says.”
    â€œMa, you’ll be dead. It doesn’t matter what he says.”
    â€œOh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like me to be dead and have a big fat liar drag me away like an old mattress.”
    Bette stabbed the cream cheese with her knife and spread it over the bagel. She sat down at the table and looked at her mother. Her mother looked back.
    â€œI can’t win, can I?”
    Her mother entwined her fingers and twirled her thumbs.
    â€œI didn’t think so.”
    Bette called Linda the first chance she got. “Is there any way we can extend our trip?”
    â€œFor how long?”
    â€œThree years.”
    â€œWhat did they do now?”
    â€œDoes it matter?”
    â€œI feel for you, kid. I really do.”
    â€œListen to me. All I do is whine and there you are with your own problems.”
    â€œAt least my problem lives five miles away.”
    â€œAre you sure about this, Linda? Are you really going to charge everything to his credit card? He’ll find out, you know.”
    â€œStuart hasn’t come up for air in a month and a half. The only thing he’s thinking about at the moment is his dick. No, you don’t have to worry on that score. I’ve always handled the finances. He wouldn’t know a bill statement if he fell over it. And besides, he’s got about ten credit cards. By the time he realizes anything’s up, we’ve come and gone.”
    Bette felt better. “Oh, I can’t wait. So it’s definite, then? We leave next Monday?” She heard Linda rattle papers over the phone.
    â€œI’ve got everything booked right here. When we arrive at La Guardia, we’ll take a taxi to the Waldorf Astoria and whisk ourselves up to our fabulous room and voila. New York City on a platter.”
    â€œThe Waldorf Astoria. I can’t believe it.”
    â€œWe’re going first class all the way, baby. I want to see it all and do it all.”
    â€œCan we really do everything in four days?”
    â€œWhy not? Who’s going to stop us?”
    They laughed until they were giddy.
    Gemma packed and repacked her suitcase. She didn’t have a thing to wear; nothing but flowered tents. She grew more despondent by the day.
    â€œWhat about this, Anna?” She held up a square cloth with a little opening in the top and a huge opening at the bottom.
    â€œI like it.”
    â€œYou like everything. What do you think, Sophia?”
    Sophia cracked her gum. “It looks like a flour bag.”
    Gemma dropped her dress on the floor. “I knew it. What am I going to do? Linda says we’re staying at the Waldorf Astoria. That sounds fancy. I’m not going to fit in.”
    â€œThen stop shopping where Nonna shops,” Sophia said. “That’s why you look sixty.”
    Gemma’s mouth dropped open. “You think I look sixty?”
    â€œWell, fifty-five, then.”
    Gemma fell back on the sofa. “ Mamma mia . Get me the phone, Anna.”
    Anna hopped up and ran out of the room, returning lickety-split on her spindly legs. Gemma punched in Augusta’s phone number.
    â€œHello?”
    â€œEmergency meeting tonight. You and me at the mall.”
    Four hours later, Gemma was stuck inside a pricey outfit with her hands over her head. Augusta laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe.
    â€œWill you stop that and help me outta this thing?”
    Augusta stayed seated. “I can’t get up. If I do, I’ll pee my pants.”
    A muffled cry of frustration came from underneath the black jersey knit covering Gemma’s face. “If Bette were here, she’d help me.”
    â€œGood idea, I have to call her. This is