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‘multiverse’?”
    “Yeah, isn’t that part of String Theory—multiple dimensions, multiple universes?”
    “Well, it’s not a theory, its fact. There are multiple universes and there’s constant travel between all of them. Almost all the universes are controlled by higher powers, gods.”
    “Gods?”
    “Yeah, gods.” B dropped his grin and looked almost apologetic. He knew he sounded crazy. “All of them want more turf and more souls. That minion of darkness you killed was a troll. He came from a universe ruled by the Norse gods. ‘Minion of darkness’ is the generic term for any invader from another universe. In the old days we used the term ‘demon’ but for some reason upper management doesn’t like that word anymore.”
    “So, what you’re telling me is I’m now working for God?”
    “You got it, dude. You’re on a mission from God. You’re now one of His holy warriors. The US Government got rid of the draft after Vietnam. Jehovah’s old school; His draft ain’t going away.”
    I don’t know what I expected when I started this conversation with B, but it wasn’t this. Getting my head around fairy tales, trolls, and magic had been hard enough—God, multiple dimensions, and demons? This was going to take time to process. To occupy my hands, I grabbed a piece of naan and took a bite. I realized I was starving. I started shoveling food in my mouth. I noticed that all the food on the table was for me. B wasn’t eating. He didn’t have a spoon or a fork.
    “Oh yeah, you must be starving, getting healed makes you hungry. Just keep on eating and I’ll fill you in. You know how the Bible always describes God as a shepherd and people as His flock? It’s a great analogy because every shepherd eats mutton.”
    This was an interesting comment and it made sense. Deities who cared for us because we were lovable just didn’t figure. With a few exceptions, people aren’t lovable. A god who tended people because they were useful fit what I knew about the Universe. No one does something for nothing. “What are you talking about exactly when you say God eats mutton?”
    “What I mean is that souls are valuable. Jehovah, as far as gods go, doesn’t eat many souls. Unlike the Aztec gods or the Norse gods, he doesn’t go for blood sacrifices. God tested Abraham by asking him to sacrifice his first born. Abraham made the right decision and went with the flow. Lucky for his kid, God was just messing with Abe’s head. There were times before Abe when the Big Guy took the sacrifice.
    “I know this sounds kind of biased because I’m working for the Man, but as far as gods go, Jehovah isn’t bad. There’s a lot worse; most of them, in fact.” He smirked at an inside joke. “If you knew my history, you’d know this is about as objective of an opinion as you could get.
    “Jehovah typically doesn’t eat souls; He generally turns souls into angels. He uses angels to defend His turf.”
    “Uh, does that mean…”
    “Yup, I’m an angel. Archangel B, at your service. I know this sounds kind of swishy but I’m your guardian angel. Ever since that God damned movie ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, I’ve been embarrassed to say this.”
    B pursed his lips, clasped his hands and in a falsetto voice said, “Oh if you truly believe and clap, another guardian angel will appear…Uh, or am I getting it mixed up with Peter Pan? Whatever, Tinker Bell or Clarence, it is sad and demeaning to anyone who’s a guardian spirit.
    “And before you ask, I’m not able to tell you what the B stands for. Now that we’re friends, I have to warn you, you’ve got to stop with the puns—mini-me, bigamy, bigger me, or bugger me. I can handle insults as long as they’re said with a smile. Puns are intolerable. If I didn’t have the self-control of an archangel, you’d be dead.”
    I looked into B’s eyes. He looked serious. He really hated puns. I smiled and pushed the cleared plates in front of me off to the side. “So,