knowing why,and, squatting to set the bottle on the floor, pulled out a kerchief to dry the sweat that streamed down my face.
âSo now you know how things stand,â my father was saying. âI had to let you know; I hope you understand. Natalia is all I have in the world, and even though I know I am leaving her in good hands, I wanted to be frank with you, in case youâd rather back out.â
My breath was taken away. I didnât know what my father had been talking about, but here he was giving Rojo a chance to undo the wedding. It felt almost as if someone had just knocked over a house of cards, but at the same time as if a very bright light was being shone into some very dark corner.
âIâm a man of my word, Don JoaquÃn,â Berstein was now replying. âAs you know. I will care for Natalia with all my strength, this I swear to you. I love her. I have always loved her, from the first time I saw her, when she was still a child. You will not regret giving her to me.â
âTreat her well, son. Natalia, despite the state you see her in here, is a young lady. She deserved better than Iâve been able to give her, but, first, I married her mother against the will of her whole family, who wanted something else for her, and took her away to a village in Vitoria where the poor dear was consumed by sorrow and poverty; and then, after her father forgave her and I swallowed my pride and we returned to Valencia, she barely survived two more years. Natalia lived like a queen for a short time, and now she is suffering hardships again, as in her childhood.â
âYou both live honorably, Don JoaquÃn. This is no tenement, and Natalia has no need to work outside the house.â
âAs you know, this house is all I own; the only thing I can leave her.â
âI earn good money. We will do well. I am going to treat her like a queen, I promise you this.â
Silence followed. I didnât know whether to take advantage of it and make a bit of noise, as if I were just coming back from the shop.
âTreat her well the day after tomorrow, son. Natalia is an innocent young woman. She knows nothing about men.â
âI swear to you I will, Don JoaquÃn. Everything will happen slowly, at its own rhythm.â
âThank you, son. I wish I could have talked to her about it, but with a daughter, such thingsâit isnât the same as if she were a boy; you understand what Iâm saying. Thatâs why Iâm telling you all this.â
âAnd where is she now?â
âShe went out for a moment to UxÃoâs shop. Sheâll be back at any time.â
I picked up the bottle and tiptoed into the kitchen, where I set about clattering with the dishes so that theyâd think I had gone there directly to change the water the chickpeas were soaking in for our evening stew. In fact, all I had left to make for lunch was the rice.
If I had heard what my father told Rojo earlier that day, beforeI had gone out and come back, maybe things would have turned out differently. But he had sent me to the shop so that he could talk with Rojo in private, and that changed everything, because there I had run into someoneâs gaze, a gaze that was all it took to knock down the world I had barely begun to build for myself.
I left the editorial room just before nine. I had planned to drop by my flat first, but I saw that I wouldnât make it. I had picked up my tango outfit before going to the newspaper office, so I decided to grab a bite at La Fonda de los Artistas on Corrientes and then walk over to Salta and Rivadavia, where Iâd be dancing that night at Café La Puñalada.
The hours I had spent at the office had kept my mind busy, but now, walking out into the warm January night and mingling with the crowds in the city center streets, I felt all at once as if my heart would break from loneliness, as if I had suddenly grown aware that my life made no