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can be completely different. Some children will be easygoing by nature; others will be wired for sound.
    Who do you butt heads with the most in your family? Is that child the most like you or the least like you?
    The answer, in all probability, is the child who is the most like you. Kids who sport attitudes have parents who sport attitudes. Attitudes are caught, not taught.
    Sometimes the parents don’t even know they are sporting an attitude. But what you think reveals itself in your actions toward your child. So if you have a “This is what’s best for you, and this is what you’re gonna do—and God help you if you don’t” attitude, you’re just asking to butt heads with any child who has a strong temperament. He will arch his back even at 18 months old. He’ll be resistant to your hovering.

    The key to changing your child is changing your attitude.
    Let’s say you give your child a simple request: “Please take out the garbage.” “I’m busy,” your child throws back in your face and proceeds to read her novel.
    Ask yourself, What would I usually do in this situation?
    If the kid is 6 years old, you could probably physically force her to do it. If the child is 10, you may get a little more forceful with your words. You repeat your command, a little more loudly. “I said , take out the garbage. Now .”
    “I don’t want to.”
    What happens next? Your angry attitude kicks in. Just who does this kid think she is, anyway? After everything I do for her, how dare she?
    You raise your voice more. “Young lady, I said to do it NOW, and you’re going to do it NOW! Or else . . .”
    Your daughter doesn’t even look up from her book. Why? Because she’s heard your threats before, and they don’t go anywhere.
    But what if your attitude changed? What if you remained calm?
    What if you didn’t pester her further after you’d asked her once?
    What if you just walked away and expected her to do it? No reminders, no raised voices, no anger on your part.
    “But, Dr. Leman, what if she doesn’t do it? I mean, my daughter wouldn’t.”
    Simple enough. Just have another sibling do the job, pay him, and take the money for the task out of your daughter’s next allowance. If you do it yourself, pay yourself out of your daughter’s allowance. The point is, someone else is doing the work she should be doing.
    What’s next? Your attitude remains calm. You remain in charge. Later she says to you, “Okay, I’m ready to go to the store to get shoes now.”
    Your matter-of-fact response? “We’re not going to the store.”
    “But, Mo-om, you said you’d take me to the store.”
    “I don’t feel like taking you to the store.” Then you turn and walk away.
    No guilt. No anger. No explanation. You’re calm and in control.
    Just a Phase?
    How do you know what’s normal, or “just a phase,” and what’s an attitude to be dealt with?

    Almost 100 percent of the time parents know the difference between respect and getting dissed, but they choose to ignore it. Why would someone do that? Because many parents today want to be their child’s friend. But this never works in the long run.
    If your adolescent daughter says to you, “Mom, that outfit looks kinda dumb. Are you sure you want to wear it?” her attitude will show in the way she says those words.
    If your 2-year-old gets in your face and screams, “I don’t want to!” it’s not about the “terrible twos.” It’s about attitude, and he’s testing you to see how much you’ll put up with.
    So don’t fall for the “just a phase” thinking. You know your child. You know when he is being rude and disrespectful and when he is simply asking a question to understand. It’s clearly all in the body language and the tone of voice.
    When you launch out with this new method of “Say it once; turn your back on your child; walk away,” let your child work for the answer a little bit. Don’t just tell him why you’re changing your behavior. Let him figure