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her own juices, that he hoped would make penetrating her easy and smooth and not, God forbid, painful.
    Penetrating ?  Really?  His thoughts had to go there?  His cock jumped to alertness once again, and with a sigh, he gave himself over to it, squeezing himself harder and rubbing a little with his warm flannel pajama bottoms.
    “Beryl?”  Crap.  It was Yossel.  “Are you still awake?”
    “Not really,” he said, in what he hoped sounded like a sleepy mumble.
    “Are you excited about the wedding?”
    “Sure,” Beryl said.
    “Do you think I’ll be next?”
    Yossel had been out on a few dates, but kept messing it up, acting too forward with the girls, asking too many questions for a first date.  Sometimes, overcompensating, he was too quiet. 
    Beryl had heard through his mother that one of the girls had reported that sitting in the restaurant with Yossel would have been more lively if it had been just her, talking to an empty chair.
    “Could be, Yossel, it could be.”
    “How will I know what to do ,” Yossel asked.  “You know, when the time comes?”
    “You’ll know,” Beryl said.
    “I heard that some guys don’t, and they mess it up, even hurt the girl.”
    “The rebbe sits down with you, teaches you what to do, what to say to relax the girl.”
    “It’s not her I’m worried about,” Yossel said.
    “Well, you don’t want to be too relaxed, right?  Afterwards, you can relax.”
    “You sound so calm,” said Yossel.
    “Sure,” said Beryl.  “ Nothing to panic about.  It’s very natural.”
    If only Yossel knew.
    “Wow,” said Yossel.  “I hope I can be as calm as you – when my time comes.”
    “You will be.”
    “Okay, goodnight.”
    “Goodnight,” said Beryl.
    When Beryl had first come to yeshiva, it had been awkward, going to bed in the same room as the other boys, lying together, whispering to each other under the cover of darkness, falling asleep together. 
    Now, the awkwardness was gone, and despite the inconve nience – his balls throbbed, but he knew that with Yossel lying awake nearby, he couldn’t beat off now – it just felt natural to have these other boys around him as he drifted off.
    How could he possibly ever get that comfortable… with a girl?

CHAPTER Nine       
    Raizy
    Amazing how three months could pass so quickly.  Now, Raizy thought she might faint under the chuppah .  Partly from fasting, partly from eager anticipation.
    When he’d come to put on her veil, Beryl had been pale, nervous-looking, like every chassan.  But not bad.  Not Hollywood, but not bad at all – considering.  His shoulders were broad and strong under his white kittel , and he didn’t look half as nervous as she was. She just hoped she wouldn’t throw up.
    When he came near with the veil, h is body felt warm, close to hers; closer than they’d ever been before. 
    He didn’t touch her, of course, but she could feel his skin beside hers as he pulled it nervously down over her face and was led away by the troupe of men and boys, singing and playing raucous klezmer music, as if to entice him to forget the reason he was here in the first place.
    Now, resolute and blindfolded behind her opaque satin veil, Raizy circled Beryl, once, twice, seven times altogether, led by her mother and mother-in-law.  They were already legally married; they’d signed the papers separately in the rabbi’s study.  But this was the ceremony that mattered – kiddushin , sanctification.
    Without sanctification, they couldn’t be together. 
    Be together, thought Raizy.  Screw.  Fuck.  Hump.  She almost giggled at the stream of inappropriate words that came to her at a time when she was about to enter into a higher spiritual state, join with her bashert , her predestined one. 
    Fulfilling the very purpose of her existence… and all she could think about was spreading her legs.
    Raizy gripped her Tehillim, the white leather book of Psalms her older sister had given her, and focused