Happy People Read and Drink Coffee Read Online Free PDF

for the exit without looking back and without saying a word. Before going down to the subway, Felix stopped.
    â€œYou know, until now I didn’t believe you when you said you wanted to get better,” he admitted, “but what you did today proves I was wrong. I’m proud of you.”
    I waited until the day before my departure to call my parents. Ever since I’d told them my decision, they hadn’t stopped trying to convince me to stay. They called me every day and my answering machine worked wonderfully.
    â€œMom, it’s Diane.”
    In the background was the usual sound of the television with the volume turned up as loud as possible.
    â€œHow are you, my darling?”
    â€œI’m ready to leave.”
    â€œThe same old song! It’s your daughter, my dear, she still wants to go away.”
    A chair creaked on the tiled floor and my father took the receiver.
    â€œListen, my girl, you’re going to come and spend a few days with us and that will get you thinking straight again.”
    â€œDad, that wouldn’t do any good. I’m leaving tomorrow. You still haven’t understood that I don’t want to come back and live with you. I’m a big girl and you don’t live with your parents when you’re thirty-two.”
    â€œYou’ve never known how to manage by yourself. You need someone to guide you; you’re incapable of seeing a plan through. The facts speak for themselves. We supported you and if you have enough to live on now and carry through this absurd idea it’s only because Colin had some foresight. So frankly, going abroad is way beyond your capabilities.”
    â€œThanks Dad, I didn’t know I was such a ball and chain around your neck. I’ll make sure to think about what you said when I need cheering up.”
    â€œLet me speak to her,” my mother said in the background, “you’re getting her back up.” She took the phone again. “Your father isn’t very diplomatic, my darling, but he’s right. You don’t think things through. Now if Felix were going with you, we’d feel better, even if he isn’t the ideal person to take care of you. Listen, we’ve left you alone up until now, thinking you’d get better with time. Why didn’t you go and see the psychiatrist I talked to you about? It would do you good.”
    â€œMom, that’s enough. I don’t want a shrink, I don’t want to live with you, and I don’t want Felix to go with me. I want peace, I want to be alone, and I’m fed up with being watched over, you understand? If you want to reach me, you know my cell phone number. And please don’t tell me to have a good trip.”
    Eyes wide open, I stared at the ceiling. I was waiting for my alarm clock to ring. I hadn’t slept all night, and the fact that I’d hung up on my parents had nothing to do with my insomnia. In a few hours I’d be getting on a plane, headed to Ireland. I had just spent my last night in our apartment, in our bed.
    One last time, I snuggled up against Colin’s side of the bed, my head buried in his pillow, and cuddled Clara’s favorite soft toy; my tears made them damp. The alarm clock went off and I got out of bed, like a robot.
    In the bathroom, I uncovered the mirror and saw myself for the first time in months. Swamped in Colin’s shirt. I watched my fingers open each button; one shoulder was freed, then the other. The shirt fell from my body onto the floor. I washed my hair one last time with Clara’s shampoo. When I got out of the shower, I avoided looking at the shirt on the floor. I dressed myself as Diane, in jeans, a sleeveless T-shirt, and a tight-fitting sweater. Immediately I felt like I was suffocating; I struggled to get the sweater off and grabbed Colin’s hoodie. I put it on and could breathe again. I’d worn it often before his death, so I gave myself the right to wear it now.
    I