Halfway to Forever Read Online Free PDF Page A

but tonight they were too scary to sleep, too scary not to think about.
    Besides, the handcuff was hurting her wrist.
    The van was small. Grace’s sleeping bag was at the very back on the floor, against the double doors. There was barely enough room to sleep there, and she’d had to fold her sleeping bag in half to make it fit.
    Mommy slept on the backseat; the front part of the van was where they kept their ice chest. The living room, Mommy called it.
    Grace ran her finger over the place where the cold metal scraped against her hand. She would have been a good girl. She tried to tell her mommy, but Mommy wouldn’t listen.
    “I’m having a man friend over tonight. I don’t want you gettin’ in the way, ya hear?”
    Her mommy locked one part of the handcuff to a pole near the bottom of the backseat and the other part to her wrist. Then mommy made a really mean face and told her to keep quiet or else.
    “Not a peep, Grace. If anyone finds out about us living here, the cops will take you away again. This time forever.”
    Grace was very afraid about that. If the cops took her away, she’d have to live with someone she didn’t know. Or maybe even go to jail. That would be scarier than the man her mommy was with tonight.
    It was always the same when Mommy had a man friend over.They’d talk a little and make slurping sounds, like they were drinking pop. Then her mommy’s voice would get funny, all tired and slow.
    The noises would change after that, almost like Mommy was getting hurt. Then the van would start shaking … that was when Grace closed her eyes and pretended the handcuff was a good thing, that it kept her from being hurt like her mommy. She would lie there in her little bed on the floor at the back of the van and think about something else.
    Flowers or butterflies or clouds. Something that helped her fall asleep.
    But tonight … It was different.
    Mommy’s friend yelled a lot, and no matter what Grace tried to think about she couldn’t make her arms and legs stop shaking.
    “I paid ya for more than that, woman.”
    There was a sharp sound, like when Mommy spanked her for being bad. Then her mommy started to cry. “You gave me dope, not money, Hank. I need
money
.”
    The sharp sound came again. “Dope
is
money, idiot. Now lay down.”
    The man shouted at her mommy for a long time and used words Grace wasn’t allowed to say. Over and over the sharp sound filled the van, and Grace began to cry.
Be quiet
, she told herself, and she held her breath so Mommy and the man wouldn’t hear her crying. She couldn’t let the cops take her away. Never, never.
    If only she could get her hand free. Then she could roll under the backseat and sleep there. Maybe the noises wouldn’t be so loud, maybe—
    There was a loud smack, and her mommy screamed. The noises grew louder and louder, and Grace was too afraid to breathe.
    “Help me,” she whispered.
    Her mother’s screams kept coming, but suddenly they were quieter than before. Grace could feel invisible, warm, Daddy hands soothing out the shakes in her arms and legs and heart, making her feel hugged and happy.
    She stared around in the dark, but there was no one there. No one at all.
    Then she remembered who it was. It was the invisible Daddy, the one Grandma had told her about before she died. Her mouth formed the word
Hi
, but no sound came out. Still she smiled in the darkness, safe and secure in His presence.
    Whoever He was, He’d come to her before.
    Whenever she thought she might die from being sad and afraid, He’d come with warm hands and a safe feeling. Almost like a daddy taking care of her, the way she pictured a daddy might if she’d had one. He made her feel safe and sleepy and little. Even littler than four years old. And even though she couldn’t see Him, He didn’t scare her.
    She stopped crying, and her mother and the man grew very quiet. Not far away there were sirens, but even though they got louder and louder, Grace wasn’t