Hadrian's Wall Read Online Free PDF Page A

at the memory. “I always wake up when it’s just about
to catch me...except that lately, I haven’t dreamed about it.”
    Silence. He said nothing. He seemed to
meditate about what I’d said, as his fingers absentmindedly twirled
his pen. “Did this happen only in New Hampshire?”
    “Yes...and I...I saw the creature even when
I was awake.” I’m done! Now he’ll send me to an asylum.
    Intrigued, he looked at me. “How so?”
    I breathed deep and forcefully grasped the
armrests of my chair. I had trouble forcing the words out.
    “When I was a child, I began to have what
the government’s psychiatrist described as a “hallucinatory
process.” I lived in an orphanage. It was one of the reasons why no
couple wanted to adopt me. They thought I was sick in the head—a
dangerous girl!” I grinned to hide the strong emotion that
triggered confidence. “I saw things that weren’t there. The most
common hallucination I had was the flying monster. Whenever he
appeared, I fainted.”
    “Have you any idea when you began to see the
winged monster?” he asked quietly.
    “I do. How could I forget?” I gave him a
rueful smile. “I began to see him on the day that my mother
abandoned me...the same day that my father died. Tragic, huh?”
    Of course, he did not answer, so I
continued. “That’s why I lived in the orphanage. It was a
Presbyterian orphanage.” I was beginning to babble, something that
always happened when I was nervous. “The last director did not like
the term ‘orphanage.’ She said it was a thing of centuries past.
She preferred to call the place a ‘host home.’”
    I raised my eyebrow in anticipation, but the
good doctor did not seem inclined to interrupt me, so I kept
talking and talking and talking. I must admit I felt a great relief
just because Dr. Barringer did not look at me with superiority or
censorship as I feared might happen.
    “My experience with physicians and school
counselors during the period in which I lived at the orphanage was
not pleasant, but it taught me enough. I mean, some adults maybe
wanted to listen to me, but most really didn’t. Those who were
disposed to listen soon became distressed by not knowing how to
help me. The orphanage council pushed me into a medical evaluation
that declared me mentally incapable of learning and becoming
socialized. The doctor distorted everything I had told him in
confidence with a condescending tone and feigned understanding.
Because of him, I received special tutoring, sanctioned by the
government social workers, while other orphan children attended a
normal school in Groveton. Because of him, I lost the chance to
find an adoptive home.
    “That’s how I learned to hide my feelings
and hallucinations. That’s also how I learned to shut me inside
myself. I pushed people away so they couldn’t hurt me. Thanks to
Reverend Merritt, another medical evaluation was done and it was
decided that I was able to attend school. I was a teenager by the
time I finally got to Groveton High School.
    “It was a difficult time for me. I wanted to
be accepted by the other children, but I was ridiculed. No one in
the regular class wanted anything to do with me. Because they were
in possession of my medical records, the teachers treated me like a
disabled student—limited and emotionally unstable. By the way,
there were students lying in wait to humiliate me between classes
or after school. I had always dreamed of living with other children
and being treated as normal, but instead my school life was a
living hell; so to avoid more problems, the school placed me in a
class of trouble students.”
    What had Dr. Adam Barringer done in that
first session that led me to open secret doors? Certainly, his
brown eyes emanated friendliness and helped me feel more confident.
Perhaps the fact that he was so young and relaxed is what it made
it easier. He was different than other doctors I’d known. When he
delved into my interests, my desires, and above