Hadrian's Lover Read Online Free PDF Page B

straight.
    Todd turns to leave, figuring he’s overstayed his welcome, but Papa Dean catches him by the elbow. “Happy New Year, Todd.” Dean tussles Todd’s hair as he speaks.
    Ducking away to avoid Dean messing his hair too much, Todd laughs in reply, “Happy New Year, Papa Dean.” Then, with a half-hearted smile, “and Happy Fiftieth Birthday, Hadrian.” He lifts his flute in a token toast.
    â€œFifty years. Pretty amazing, eh?” Dean is smiling, not having felt the tension yet.
    â€œUh-huh.” Todd is barely paying attention to Dean. He is staring in the direction Frank left in pursuit of Anthony.
    Noticing the distant look in Todd’s eyes, assuming rightly it has something to do with Frank and Anthony, Dean comments, “That was some kiss you and Frank had.”
    â€œYou mean Frank had !” Exasperated, Todd exclaims, “I wish he’d stop doing things like that to me!”
    â€œSo tell me what was wrong with the kiss?”
    â€œIt was too much—over the top—Frank always goes overboard. I mean, that’s the way you kiss your boyfriend. And I’m not Frank’s boyfriend.”
    â€œWhy not, when the two of you get along so well?”
    â€œBecause Anthony is Frank’s boyfriend.”
    â€œDoes that bother you?”
    â€œNo.” Shaking his head, Todd reiterates, “Really, Papa Dean, I’m not jealous of Frank’s dating other guys.” Somewhat confused by the truth, he confesses, “I don’t know why,” and confirms with his eyes, “I love Frank. You know I do.”
    Papa Dean places a hand on Todd’s shoulder. “I know.”
    â€œIt’s just, well, I’m not ready to date yet, and Frank obviously is.” He shrugs. “I can’t be angry at him for that. Besides,” he adds judiciously, “I have no time for that sort of thing. I have to concentrate on school and b-ball. Keep my average up and my game sharp so I can get into uni. That way I won’t have to be a soldier and can work toward being an agricultural engineer like my dad!” Excited by the prospect, Todd adds, “You know Dad introduced soya bean toHadrian. I want to introduce rice. That’s the last food substance we still have to import. Can you imagine if we could grow our own?”
    Dean smiles, pulling Todd in for a hug. “That’s an admirable goal, son. It would make your father proud.” Dean hugs Todd a little too hard but the young man doesn’t mind. Both men are re-experiencing the grief of loss: for Dean, the loss of a dear friend, and for Todd, the loss of a father. Releasing Todd, Dean takes a moment to brush a lock of hair out of the boy’s eye. “There is so much about you that reminds me of your father.”
    Todd beams. He loved his dad. There are nights he will dream his father is still alive, only to wake up and suffer the crushing reality of his death all over again. The transition of joy to sorrow, though seemingly infinitesimal, is very real. The light in Todd’s eyes blurs and tears begin to fill. “Why did he have to die?”
    Papa Dean re-submerges Todd in his arms. “I don’t know, son. Life is seldom fair. Sometimes all a man can do is make the best of it.”
    â€œI want to make Dad proud of me. I want to be just like him.”
    Todd breathes these words against Dean’s aching chest. “You are, Todd, like him in so many ways.” Perhaps too much , Dean worries. “But you have to be your own man, too. And I know,” he says, now pushing Todd back slightly so he can look him in the eye, “whatever you decide to do with your life, your father would be very proud of you!”
    â€œThanks, Papa Dean.”
    Dean frowns. His little pep talk has not removed the shadow covering Todd’s mood. “All right, out with it.”
    â€œOut with what?” Todd asks, shifting his eyes