Guilt Read Online Free PDF

in a lot of the same classes. I recognized him after a while, but avoided him like any other guy. Then, one day, he asked me if he could borrow my notes from a lecture class that he had missed. I couldn't say no, not when he asked me for help. That would be rude.
    Unwilling to engage in conversation myself, I listened to him talk about something unmemorable as we walked to the copy machine in the biology building. The copier was out of order, so Luke suggested that we get some coffee and he could hand copy my notes while we talked. I wouldn't go for it. I told him that he could borrow my notebook and give it back to me the next day in class. He reluctantly agreed.
    When he returned my notes to me, I found that he had added in a note of his own. In red ink, he asked me out on a date. I didn't give him the benefit of a response, or even an acknowledgement.
    He persisted, though. Eventually, we became friends, but I still wouldn't date him. We sat together in classes and attended the same study groups. He was funny and charming, and I liked having him around, but any time he asked me out, I avoided having to tell him no.
    One night, with the help of a few beers, Tracy convinced me that I would become a cantankerous old maid ("a bitchy old virgin" were her actual words, I believe) if I didn't get over myself and let a guy have a chance with me. I was intoxicated enough to take her words to heart. If I didn't get out of my own way, I'd become an eccentric old cat lady like my great Aunt Mimmsy.
    The next day, I asked Luke if he wanted to go to a movie. Needless to say, he jumped at the opportunity. The date wasn't so bad. We'd already been friends, so there was less awkwardness than one would expect to have on a first date. Still, by the end of the date, I felt sure that I couldn't be more than just friends with him. I just wasn't interested in him romantically.
    My friends convinced me that I wasn't giving him a chance, though. So, against my own feelings, I agreed to go out with him again. This time, he decided on where to go. We ended up spending the entire evening at a local sports bar. It turned out that vodka Red Bulls were his drink of choice.
    He made advances on me all night, but didn't try anything serious. By the end of the night, he was drunk, and I realized why it was that I couldn't bring myself to be interested in him. He was obnoxious. I couldn't wait to go home.
    He escorted me back to campus. It was a Friday night and the dorm was rowdy with parties. He walked me to my door, and waited as I unlocked it. I remember noticing that Tracy wasn't back from her date yet, and then the next thing I knew I was attacked.
    No one heard me scream. My cries for help were drowned in the music and hooting from the other students in the building. He pinned me to the floor and kept me in place with his own weight. I had no idea he was so strong.
    At that point, I distanced myself from what happened. My mind left my body, and whenever I accidentally recall that violation, I see it as though I was a third person in the room. I picture it like I could see it happening from one of the dark corners. It was me lying there helpless on the floor, but yet it wasn't.
    He justified his misdeed to himself by declaring that I should have been willing to put out on a second date – when he had put so much time and effort into getting me to date him in the first place. Why else would he shell out money for dates? He should get something in return.
    I was humiliated, but despite my embarrassment, I pressed charges against him. The crime soon became public knowledge, and when he fought the charges and accused me of lying about my consent, I became disheartened. The accusations he threw my way about being heartless and deceitful deepened the feelings of guilt that had begun with Corry.
    I dropped the charges and decided to leave the university. My parents tried to make me come home, but I refused. The experience took away my innocence, but I wasn't