Itâs just that I canât believe it actually happens to real people. Iâm sure if I were to buy a green banana and bring it home, itâd stay green in perpetuity. I donât know what this says about me except that maybe Iâm shortsighted or am faithless, except Iâm not sure itâs true that Iâm faithless. Iâm sure thereâs something I believe in, and if you gave me a second, I could probably come up with a whole list. My father wouldnât be listed if heâs still alive, although I doubt he is. I never saw him as the type thatâd live a long time. I probably get that from him, if I get anything at all, other than the cutting up of bananas. If heâs dead, Iâm sure he died standing up and talking back because thatâs how I remember him. He wouldnât take anything off anybody and thatâs another thing I get from him. This is what I told her when she said her week was bananas and before she even had a chance to reply, I said, And youâd better believe it, sister.
Goodnight Maybe Forever
T ODAY I WILL HANG MYSELF in the backyard. Iâm neither proud nor ashamed of this. Every day I do something and this is what I have scheduled for today. Yesterday I ate a peach. I hadnât had a peach in years, I donât think, since I was a child. The night before I remembered that my mother would bring home peaches from the grocer whenever they were in season. So I put on my trousers, found a clean shirt buried under some newspapers, and walked to the grocer where I picked out the peach I thought looked best. I remembered to squeeze the peaches as I was trying to decide which one to purchase. I remembered that peaches could be too hard or soft and that neither was a good idea. My mother is the one who taught me how to pick out peaches this way. She said that someday she wouldnât be around to take care of me and my brothers and sisters and someone needed to know how to pickout peaches. This never did happen, though. Mother was always around to take care of us and I think she still is today. What I mean is I think she is still around, not that she is still taking care of us. At this point she probably canât even take care of herself. I imagine sheâd have to be close to a hundred years old now. I havenât seen nor heard from her in years. I tried not to think about my mother or who might be taking care of her as I was picking out my peach. There wasnât anyone around when I was testing the peaches and for this I was grateful. I donât like to see anyone touching the fruit and Iâm sure they feel the same about me. The peach I eventually did pick out seemed to have the perfect texture and tone. I was both pleased and confident as I walked to the cashier. After paying for the peach I took it home so I could rinse it properly. My mother taught us how to rinse a peach under cold water. She said we should never rub a peach on our shirt because it would bruise. She said we could clean an apple that way, but not a peach. This didnât matter to me because I never cared for apples. My mother would bring apples home from the grocer, but I refused to eat them. I told her I found apples to be disagreeable. This always upset my mother, whenever I said something like this. She said I didnât make any sense, that I was an idiot like my father. I didnât know what this meant exactly, if he didnât care for apples, either. My mother was oftenupset and my brothers and sisters and I always had to be careful whenever she was around, which was all the time. Mother never left us unattended. She didnât trust us. I donât blame her. I didnât trust us, either. I considered saving the peach for dinner but decided to eat it right after the rinsing. The first bite held great promise, as my teeth broke the skin and penetrated the inner fruit. As I started to chew, however, I realized that the peach looked better than it tasted.