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Sutra
, counselled men to apply the hairs of a poisonous tree insect for ten nights and sleep face downwards on a wooden bed, ‘letting one’s sex hang through a hole’ – the swelling was supposed to last a lifetime. Today, the siren voice of the Internet offers a multitude of preparations. In almost every time and culture some men have hung weights or connected stretching devices; and websites offer everything from a simple elastic band that fits around the corona or crown and fastens to another band around the thigh, to elaborate contraptions of rings and rods, springs and tension bars. Other sites promote the centuries-old Sudanese Arab technique of
jelq
, a daily technique of stroking the penis to erection from base to tip but stopping short of ejaculation, and then starting the process again and again (rich families used to send their sons to a
mehbil
or athletic club for an attendant to save them the drudgery of doing it themselves). ‘Gain three inches’ urge emails for creams and patches that drop unsolicited into millions of mailboxes daily.
    Since the early 1990s, plastic surgery has been a new enticement. A penis can be thickened by implanting strips of fat taken from other parts of the body (usually buttocks or love handles) under the penile skin; and it can be lengthened, by cutting the ligament that anchors it to the pubic area. But phalloplasty is still considered to be in the early stages and professional associations still distance themselves from it because the results can be less than satisfactory. The body naturally reabsorbs fat and when this happens what remains unabsorbed can create lumps and bumps; even if this doesn’t happen, many men find that the transplanted fat makes their erection feel as if it were wearing a padded jacket. And a penis lengthened by detaching it from the suspensory ligament may appear to arise from the scrotum rather than the abdominal wall – and be lucky to rise even half-mast; indeed, some erections after surgery point to the ground. In the worst of outcomes, some men have reported, on erection their penis flaps around like a running hose left on the ground. There can be deformity and pain – and post-surgery scarring has been known to cause a penis to retract, becoming smaller than it was before, a situation so harrowing that in one English court action a lawyer likened his client’s emotional state to post-traumatic stress disorder.
    There was considerable worry in 1993 for thousands of men who had had penis-enlargement operations in Thailand, after the
Bangkok Post
reported that unscrupulous surgeons had been injecting a mixture of olive oil, chalk and other ingredients into their clients’ penises to achieve the required result; the Chiang Mai hospital had even seen penises containing portions of the Bangkok telephone directory. More than a few men, particularly in South East Asia and Japan but also in the US and UK, have taken a DIY approach to an instant increase in size by injecting Vaseline, paraffin and other oils – with calamitous results: serious infections, gangrene leading in some cases to amputation, or erectile dysfunction. In 2002 a thirty-one-year-old showed up at the Institute of Urology and Nephrology in London for treatment for gross abnormality and ulceration after using a high-pressure pneumatic grease gun.
    Yet despite the potential hazards, some tens of thousands of men around the world have submitted themselves to the operating table. That nine in ten were already of average or greater dimensions, and psychological profiling indicated that very few had a clinical psychological need, speaks volumes about the significance some men attach to size. Like women who have breast implants, their need is to impress – but to impress other men rather than women, even though the increase is likely to be only an inch at most in the flaccid state and nothing discernible in the erect one. And like women who return for even bigger implants, there are