Gluten for Punishment Read Online Free PDF Page A

interesting enough
     to keep him around.
    “Bill’s waitin’ in the den. He lit a fire in the fireplace. Hope it’s all right.”
    “Let me get dressed.” I wrapped my robe around me tighter. “There’s pumpkin bread,
     apple coffee cake, and peach pie. You make the coffee and I’ll be down to serve.”
    “Will do, kiddo.” Grandma Ruth waved. “I’ll have a small smoke break while you get
     dressed. Thank God your father had the good sense to install an elevator. Three floors
     of stairs are hard on an old woman’s knees.”
    By the time I put on a tee shirt and pajama pants and got downstairs, my hair had
     frizzed. I passed the den to find Bill sitting next to the fireplace. Grandma came
     in, flung her fedora on the hat rack, and mussed her short, carrot-orange hair. At
     the age of ninety, she was proud to still have mostly red hair, even if the parts
     of it that framed her large, square face were white.
    “Grandma, you smell like a honky-tonk.” I waved my hand through the air to dissipate
     the scent.
    “I see you left the butt can full of sand on the porch next to the swing. Just like
     your mother . . .” She settled down on the two-man settee next to Bill.
    “Secondhand smoke kills,” I tossed out into the air. It was an old argument. Grandma
     Ruth had taken up smoking on the advice of a doctor in the early 1940s. They’d told
     her it would help her lose weight. I shook my head at the thought. Grandma was two
     hundred pounds soaking wet, maybe more, and addicted to her beloved cancer sticks.
    She laughed, thick and dark until she coughed. “At my age, everything kills, kiddo.
     Need any help getting that dessert out here before I get any older?”
    “I’ve got it,” I called on my way to the kitchen. “Hi, Bill.” I admit, the greeting
     was an afterthought, but my mama had taught me to be polite.
    “Hey, Toni,” Bill called. The man had a deep voice, which could carry nearly as far
     as Grandma Ruth’s. Note, I said
nearly
as far. Grandma Ruth could yodel and was known for bringing the kids running from
     all corners of town once she started. She swore it was because they knew supper was
     ready.
    Grandma considered opening a can of soup to be supper. She usually did it with her
     nose in a book. She did a lot of things with her nose in a book.
    As for the kids coming running to eat whatever mystery thing Grandma had cooked up,
     I think they really just wanted to get home to make her stop yodeling before the neighbors
     called the police. Either way, it had been effective.
    Grandma Ruth and Bill discussed the article in the paper. Grandma had bought several
     copies as family keepsakes. Meanwhile, I brought in two trays: one with pumpkin bread,
     coffee cake, and pie; the other with coffee, cups, and creamer. I had learned early
     how to serve with both hands full.
    “It says no one saw anything,” Bill pointed out and helped himself to the food I placed
     on the small table in front of them. You know, I might like Bill a bit better if he
     at least said thank you once in a while instead of acting as if I was supposed to
     wait on him hand and foot. It might be his age that led him to believe all women were
     there to see to his every comfort, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. In my book
     he was a bit of a freeloader. I wouldn’t tell Grandma this, of course. It would hurt
     her feelings. She actually liked Bill.
    I curled up in the velvet-covered, wing-backed chair next to the fireplace. Mom had
     thought it would be fun to decorate the den in the Victorian manner with a 1970s twist.
     It sort of looked like a bordello on dope.
    “It quotes the chief directly, ‘No one saw a thing.’” Bill pushed his finger into
     his copy of the paper, crumpling it onto the tabletop.
    “I don’t believe it for a minute.” Grandma Ruth picked up a slice of coffee cake and
     took a bite. “Yum, good job, kiddo.” She licked her fingers then lifted the crumbs,
     which landed