Glass Read Online Free PDF

awake, buzzed
    to the nth degree.
    I drive slowly, lost
    in thoughts
    of Hunter, hopefully
    sleeping soundly;
    of the things that led
    up to having him;
    of what life
    would be like if he had
    never been conceived.
    I would never have
    thought I
    could
    consider living without
    him; never would have
    thought I might
    easily
    distance myself from
    him. But I want
    someone—other than
    a baby—to love, and
    soon.
    I miss feeling special.
    Miss feeling beautiful.
    I only hope I haven’t
    become
    impossible for a guy to look
    at with lust in his eyes.

H alfway Home I Stop
    For a small pick-me-up,
    not because I particularly
    need it (my eyes are wide,
    wide open), but because I can.
    I have stash. It’s talking to me.
    One little hit, my heart revs
    high, then settles into quick-
    step mode. How I’ve missed
    that race and pound. How
    I’ve missed the lack of control.
    It makes no sense. I know
    that. But I’m sick of making
    sense. Sick of being sensible.
    As I consider that, it hits me
    that I haven’t called Mom.
    Now it’s much too late.
    Is she pacing the floor, ready
    to pounce when I walk
    through the door? Has she gone
    to sleep, assuming I stayed
    overnight and forgot
    the cell phone in my purse?
    Cell phone! I yank it out,
    and sure enough, there’s
    a voice mail message
    waiting for me. When you
    get this, please call and let
    us know you’re safe. I don’t
    care what time it is. Mom
    is pissed, and rightly so.
    I look at the time. Two
    twenty. Screw it, I’d better
    call. Mom answers on
    the second ring. Hello?
    Kristina, is that you?
    Who else would it be? “Yes,
    it’s me. I’m fine. I stayed
    late at Robyn’s, decided
    to come on home. No worries.
    I’ve had gallons of coffee.”
    No worries? Kristina Georgia
    Snow! Have you no consideration
    whatsoever for your family?
    We’ve been so worried!
    One simple phone call…
    She’s right. Of course she is.
    But I don’t feel like giving much
    ground. “I’m sorry, Mom.
    Go on to bed. I’ll be home
    soon.” I hang up without
    even asking about Hunter. I’ll
    have to eat a table full of crow
    in the morning, but why
    worry about it the rest
    of the way home?

I ’m Totally in the Wrong
    And I totally know it.
    And I totally don’t care.
    That’s the monster talking
    and I totally know that, too. But
    I’m totally ready to listen to every
    word, every excuse, every suggestion.
     
    I feel great, for the first time in months.
    I feel positive about the future, like
    I actually might have a future
    beyond babies and books. I
    feel like I’ve got the world
    by the balls. I just have
     
    to remain cool, calm
    down my parents, regain
    my power. I ask the monster
    how to manage that and he replies,
    Simple. You need money. Money! Of
    course. Can’t have much of a life without
    a steady supply of the green stuff. I
    I do need money, and that means
    a job. But what kind of job?
    Only one thought comes
    readily to mind.

I Get Home
    A little before four. The house
    is dark. Silent. Everyone fast
    asleep. Except me, of course.
    Rather than chance waking up
    Hunter, I think I’ll run on down
    to the all-night convenience
    mart and pick up an application.
    Almost every kid in the valley
    works at the Sev for a month or two,
    while waiting to go off to college,
    get married, or find a better job. It
    pays minimum wage, and the work
    sucks, but beggars cannot be choosers.
    I park off to one side, check out who’s
    inside. Believe it or not, there’s a guy
    playing a slot machine. They have slots
    in Nevada 7-Elevens. And grocery
    stores, airports. Anywhere people get bored.
    Even up-all-night bored. Turns out I know
    the guy behind the counter. Grady’s a year
    older than me and a total loser type.
    He’ll probably never work anywhere
    but at the Sev, which is doubtless
    just fine by him. “Hey, Grady,” I say.
    He gives me a total loser smile,
    the kind that gives you the creeps.
    Hey, Kristina. You’re up early.
    “I haven’t been to bed