Girlvert: A Porno Memoir Read Online Free PDF Page B

Coincidentally, our casual DP partner, Colby, did some music for a porn company called Anabolic. Anabolic produces “gonzo” porn—very hardcore movies that have no story, no script, and a handheld camera pointed at the girl getting fucked. There are no frills. It’s all bare mattresses and butt-fucking. The attitude is Go For It, with no distraction from the penetration. Gonzo is notorious for guys getting rough with the girls. The object of an Anabolic porno is for the girl to be degraded and fucked very, very hard. Not for anyone sensitive to the word “whore.”
    Tyler was a big fan of the Anabolic movies. Anabolic produced films with three or more guys on one girl, with lots of anal and ass-to-mouth, or ATMs. Tyler bought a couple of Anabolic movies with a porn star named Belladonna in them so I could see what “cool porn” was. The name calling, slapping, and choking made a lasting impression on me. It did not intimidate me because it was similar to games that I already played during sex, but it made me want to take it all to a higher—a professional—level. Tyler called me slut and whore and got rough and slapped me when we fucked. I would hold my chin steady and try not to tear up. I knew he couldn’t really mean it. Sex allows people to lose their rationality. Tyler got to be a tough guy when we had sex. I loved him and wanted him to enjoy that.
    Colby was so excited for us. He wanted to help us out in any way he could. Having a close friend not judge us or think less of what we were doing was a huge relief. Colby was upbeat about the whole thing. He congratulated us in his thick Norwegian accent. It was as if we’d just announced our wedding engagement.
    “I know you two will do really good in it! I’ll introduce you to all the people I know at Anabolic. I’m friends with all those guys. I’m going to call my really good friend right now. Have you guys heard of Victor Viewer? I just saw him today. We’re going to have lunch together tomorrow.”
    The next afternoon, a Tuesday, Tyler and I drove to Woodland Hills. Among a group of newly constructed, peach colored condos, we found Victor’s. Tyler’s eyes lit up when he saw Victor Viewer open the door. You’d have thought he had a gay crush, but Wow, I want to be just like you , was the sentiment. The best . Pure envy. Dozens of times, Tyler had watched this guy fuck in videos, and now we were at his house. Tyler was ecstatic to meet him. He assured Victor that we were crazy for sex and told him all about our orgies with Colby, but it all dripped off Victor without impression. With blasé resignation, he agreed to take some photos of us.
    I started to feel uneasy. I was coked out of my mind, but that was normal. I instantly got the vibe that Victor was not a kind person. I didn’t know my instincts well enough back then to trust or act upon them. I was so young and on drugs, I just went along. Everyone deserves a chance, right? I told myself. Don’t be so judgmental ! So instead of his demeanor, I just tried to focus on Victor’s body, which was interesting enough to look at—a miniature body builder, big biceps and pectorals, dark silky hair.
    Victor told us to take a seat on the couch. I didn’t notice how short he really was until Tyler stood up to undress for the naked Polaroids. At six foot one, Tyler towered over this man, who could have only been five foot four. Victor was handsome in the face, despite his cold eyes. He talked to us condescendingly about the business. I wasn’t listening to what he said. I just kept smiling and using my big, straight, white set of teeth as armor for my trepidation. I’ve never had braces. Somehow, I have been blessed with a terrific set of teeth. It is a rarity to find healthy, pretty, and authentic teeth in pornography. Mine were often my shield. There was just something that radiated from Victor that made me ill at ease. I can’t point out one specific thing he said or did to give me the fear, just