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T-shirt as possible, but he didn’t want to give Rae the satisfaction. How could he have forgotten to turn the T-shirt inside out when he left the house? He’d had to wear it—his little sister would have had hysterics if he hadn’t because it was her birthday present to him. But he hadn’t meant to actually be seen in it.
    “Sorry,” Rae muttered, surprising him. He’d have bet she didn’t even know the word. She met his gaze directly, and he realized that they were almost exactly the same height. At least she wasn’t taller. “And thanks, I guess,” she continued. “But you’re wrong about school.”
    “Ten dollars,” Anthony said.
    “What?” Rae asked.
    “Ten dollars says you’re wrong,” Anthony told her. “You can pay up at the next session.” 39

Chapter 2
    S omebody’ll probably ask if they gave you electric shock. Rae shook her head as she rinsed the conditioner out of her hair. She twisted the hot water knob to the right until the shower was as hot as she could possibly stand it.
    Loofah. She needed the loofah. She reached up and snagged it off the little ledge under the high bathroom window, then squirted on a line of her new bath gel and started to scrub her shoulders.
    Somebody’ll probably ask if they gave you electric shock.
    Rae scrubbed harder, straining to reach the center of her back. She’d already washed her hair three times and conditioned it twice. She pushed down on the loofah, really working it.
    41
    Somebody’ll probably ask if they gave you electric shock. She could feel the thick fibers of the loofah doing their job. Use some muscle, she ordered herself, grinding the loofah into her skin.
    More gel. That’s what she needed for truly flaw-less skin. She grabbed the tube and positioned the loofah underneath it. “Oh God,” she whispered.
    “Oh my God.” The loofah was streaked with blood.
    She could even see tiny pieces of skin caught in the fibers.
    Rae’s knees buckled, and she sat down hard on the tile floor of the shower. She rocked back and forth as the water turned from hot to ice cold. How could I have done that to myself? she thought. It was . . .
    insane. A new kind of insane. She’d really hurt herself. And if she could do that—Rae forced herself to complete the thought. If she could do that, she could do anything. What if next time she picked up a razor blade instead of a loofah?
    “It would be better than what happened to Mom,” Rae whispered. “I can’t live the rest of my life in a hospital. I won’t.”
    A knock came on the bathroom door. “I’ll be out in a minute, Dad,” she called, her voice cracking.
    “It’s not Dad. It’s Yana. And I have Krispy Kreme doughnuts.”
    Get it together, Rae, she ordered herself. Yana 42
    Savari was a friend. Sort of. She’d been a volunteer at the hospital. And even though she and Yana were almost the same age and everything, volunteer-patient friendship wasn’t exactly a friendship. If Yana saw her in crack-up mode, she’d probably report it to Rae’s doctor. For Rae’s own good.
    Rae scrubbed her face with her hands. Then she used the slick, wet wall of the shower for balance as she struggled to her feet. “One sec, Yana,” she called.
    She pulled in a deep breath, then stepped out of the shower and dried off as quickly as she could, wincing when the towel touched her tender back. “One sec,” she called again. She slipped on her cotton robe, then opened the door.
    Yana held up the box of doughnuts and grinned. “I remembered how you were always talking about them at the walnut farm.”
    Rae gave a semihysterical snort of laughter. Get it together, she told herself again. “You dyed your hair,” she blurted out.
    “You like?” Yana asked, holding up a few of her newly pale blond strands.
    “I like,” Rae answered. “It makes your eyes look even bluer.” Good job, Rae. Very normal sounding, she thought. She tightened the belt on her robe. “I can’t believe you came all the way over